Me and Master broke up as Girlfriend/Boyfriend only two or three days ago! Less then a week...When we broke up I did not cry but just embraced the new dynamic of our relationship...but that spot is still sensitive to me then today...guess what kitty! I am going to ask elizebeth to be my girlfriend she likes me! I will ask her on christmas eve.. then the memories just came flooding back..christmas eve talking to him and smiling ahhz...I wish I could date him even sending my stupid wish to santa... then christmas day my dreams came true..I was dating him! Those memories..I hold so close to my heart.. even though we already broke...I still keep those memories.. Technically..our aniv was on christmas day.. then when master tells me hes asking elizabeth out it hurt so bad.. like a slap to the face.. did you forget about katie so quickly? did you even love me? how could you move on so quickly.... how could you move on and tell me your dating a fuckky who lives in a diff state.. Thats not fair... you want me to be happy about a "stable" fucky? how stable is someone in a a diff state... am I that stupid? does he only think of hurting me... If he loved her he should have just told me.. if he wanted more fuckys why pick a date he KNOWS holds strong memories for me.. why is he like this? why me?... then when he hurts me the first thing he wants to blame is me.. oh shit..KITTY ITS YOUR FAULT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE DYNAMIC... no master you don't understand your kitty ordering her around looking for the future.. but you never understand your kitty.. always misunderstanding... Master hurt me so much today.. I don't want to talk to him..it's just a game.. Hey ELizabeth, want to hear my ideals of love? It was just a trick.. how could it be a trick.. why does master make me cry so much.. one day I won't fall for his tricks again.. how can he just break up and go out again? how can he just tell me I dont understand the relationship he doesnt even care about my feelings all he cares about is his slave.. but katie has feelings too.. I hate it.. why can't he ever understand... I don't want to talk to him today..heh..."Kitty, your not focused on the relationship" double heart stab...

Wahzzz Broke upz!

To have someone give you control of their body and minds, to be entrusted with the responcability to take care of them, to have someone willing to suffer for you, who forsakes pride and dignity to please you...what other gift in this world can possiably equate to that? And more importantly why do you have the opportunity to be with this slave?

This quote really shows my way of thinking more then anything. I left master on friday we broke up for about four of maybe five hours? I keep thinking about that time, i'm not sure why I keep thinking about it. At the time I felt I was useless, continuing in this relationship is fruitless and will ,only lead to certain unhappiness for my Master. He was far from happy with me, and I was unhappy It went to such an extent I can't believe how unhappy he was...but what really pushed me OVER the edge to break up was master kept saying I was capping his happiness. I wasn't giving up myself to the fullest. The way he said it and kept repeating that he is unhappy just made me think oh wow he does NOT appreciate this relationship at all. Having a slave is a gift, but the thing with this gift is that normal gifts are yours forever. Slaves are not obligated to stay with you forever, I feel I want to be with a Master who treats me as a slave denying me of my rights and using me to the fullest, but I also want to know that at the end of the day my Master appreciates me and he is glad to be with me. That night I felt 1. Master does not love me anymore 2. Master does not appreciate his slave and 3. Master is not happy with the current relationship. Master wishes for me to give up katie things such as expecting him to say jyio and onew singings etc. IDK a part of me feels really sad about having to let go of these things, but whenever I get messages on CM I wonder..Do I have to give up katie for this person? This week I am expirementing with the ideals of giving up Katie and being more kitty, ut increasingly I don't know if I like it? It feels robotic and less personal. Today I got a email with a picture, I said megacute..but Instantly I felt obligated to type sorry. Sorry for caring, sorry for smiling, sorry for loving your picture. Ahzz I don't like being sorry..... I don't like being screamed at for caring I dont understand..how can you dragonz at people who care? how can I just FORGET a part of me? what If I don't want to continue.. what if when I don't want to continue master won't let me go? I don't know what the future holds, but I know by christmas day I will know. Although, Christmas is our aniversary I feel by christmas I will know if i wish to continue in this relationship... Master does not celebrate christmas and he also does not celebrate our Aniver.. so breaking up that day..does he even care? I certinally want to start the year with a clear head. A clear head knowing I am kitty and I belong here.. or a clear head optimistic about the future with another master what the future holds for us is quite unsure, but any choice we make I am sure that we will be happy.

To have someone give you control of their body and minds, to be entrusted with the responcability to take care of them, to have someone willing to suffer for you, who forsakes pride and dignity to please you...what other gift in this world can possiably equate to that? And more importantly why do you have the opportunity to be with this slave?

to me Master is an artist, and kitty his slave is his clay. he uses his whip(dragonz) to mold me. Some will admire his masterpeice he molded. But only the Master not even the slave will realise the true beauty in the art work. Because the beauty lies in the servitude of his slave. I am masters art peice, right now its hard for me we fight often and our values we started with somehow got mixed up. Somehow i think once i think about pleasuring master everyday, at all times of the day things will be easy. My place as a slave is serving him. I need to regain those ideals in my life, those ideals have been flooded with katieness! My path is defined so clearly that it takes my breath away. The path i lead is surely with my master, being his bimbo, his fucktoy, his cuckquean. That path is so beautiful. Under masters orders i have finally found new freedom. The freedom of mind. Although, it does not seem like much i feel this is the diffrence between my expirence and other expirences. there are three types of masters: mediocore, good, excellent and true a mediocore master tells, a good master teaches, an excellent master explains but a true master inspires. My master inspires, a rarity among masters. In the beginning i was fooled by Dominants who were good looking, had charisma and had that "dominant" persona. But it took me a while to realise that these things are easy to create. Real dominance is a deep thing that occurs so deep in the soul, you cant distinguish a domminant by simply looking, you need to look at the heart. Looking into the soul of a dominant you see something special. i cant explain it, during my expirence at miami i looked into his eyes so deeply. His eyes were shining but really i saw my Masters soul. This is real. He has the domminance in is heart. I can say this so confidently, his heart told me everything! It is wrong to judge a good dominant by personae and looks, but its also wrong to judge a slave by her body. A slave must be measured with her soul. Because it is the soul of the slave that is enslaved, the body simply follows. My soul has good intentions, intentions of pleasing my Master with my soul and loving every momemnt of it. I do not want to be a slave seeking reward, but rather a slave who serves unconditionally with no thoughts of rewards. But the ultimate beauty in being a slave is that we dont serve sometimes but we serve all the times. Today i learned what submission is. Submission is not about being used, submission is about being in use. Submission is not about what is being done to you, submission is what you do for others. As a slave I will embark on this journey with these ideals in mine, forever remembering my heart, my soul, my body is controlled by my master and I live to please only him.

cuckquean sluts

heyyz its been a while!~ I'm back!~ But it seems me and master are having trouble again... I wanted to find master a cuckquean slut for him to have for san fran Since he is moving!~ He never ASKED me to go out and find I decided myself A gift to my master:) When I finally find a girl..and she agrees He takes my gift Throws it away And then request I start over Not because somethings wrong with the girl But because he wants to start contradicting himself.. No other cqs knows about me And suddenly he wants others to know about me? His own fucking brother doesn't even know we are even together... I'm his secret His secret he hides to the world So now he turns down my GIFT because he wants to tell the girl about me??? I'm done.. Not finding any fucking girls Not messaging any cqs online He can find his own fucking cqs He can't be so against my honest efforts My honest efforts means SHIT Hah id like him to see anyone else tht would find him a cqs He takes it all for granted He throws away gifts like these gifts are endless No matter what nice words he has to say my opinion won't change I'm done finding cqs online master can do it himself... ~.~

Bwahzz ^_^

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guess where i am?
i am at the train station!
I am going to meet master!
I am never ever ever going to meet him again after this trip
Untill we move in together etc.
Lol I love him..
I love him so much I've gone crazy..
Crazy enough to go out to see him with the little money I have..
Ughhh what will happen on Saturday and Sunday regarding my leave?
I have no clue!
Nor do I wish to think about it!
What happens, happens! No regrets, just having fun!
I hope if something happens that's bad regarding my leave, master won't ditch me alone and blame all shit on me =p
*shrugs* I am not even going to think about anything other then

My first kiss
My first sex expirence
My frist cuddle..
Ahhz so many firsts, its a shame!~!
The first dress I wore for master, is the dress I will wear today..
I hope he remembers it!~
Master requested for me to be in an easy access mini dress without panties!
Right now, I am wearing jeans, but I am changing in 30mins..
Ahh so excited, so nervous ahh!~!~
I wonder if master is jittery thinking about kitty...
I think he really really really loves me..
I can confidently have sex with him knowing he loves me..my first time is with someone I love, who loves me..
I think I'm ready!
Reflecting back shortly on myself, I have so much confidence to do something so risky..
Nobody knows who I am meeting..
And I don't have money..
And I don't have a place to stay other then Master..
I guess, my logic is..if master wanted to kill me he wouldn't invest so much time in me!
And if he happens to be a killer, then I am screwed :p
Ah master wants me to be wet when I'm off the train but my stomach is twisted in so many knots..
Since 3am I've had that omg my first date feeling :p
Lol I did not eat yet, and I don't plan on eating..
My heart is skipping beats..I hope to sleep on the train or I might be awake counting every second that passs by!
So excited that I am trembling!~
How sad.. won't meet him for 5 more hrs
I am going to meet him..
I have no clue if I can withold my energy xD
I hope master is the same person as he is online...
I hope the mostest that after meeting me, master falls more in love! And decides. To move closer, and don't leave for california without me!~~!~! Omg :D *sighs*
Its 45mins to departure..I am gonna do some yoga breathing to relax

Dragon

AhhzzI
Today while writing my eight page report for Master that he requested...
So I called up one of the schools I wanted to apply to and asked a couple questions!
after asking some questions, I was told that I was not eligable for admission..
and I should try again next year..
But, I thought they were joking so I just continued writing my paper happily
after my paper finished, I researched online, and its true I really was not eligable..
I felt 2 things
1. Pain- ahz I really wanted to get into this school but now all I did was screw myself over..
2. Regret- I just wasted Masters time, I am so stupid for allowing him to waste his precious time..
I expected Master to scream at me at my stupidness regarding allowing him to waste his time..
but instead he scremed at me for believing I could not get in..
how can he transfrom from cute and cuddly to angry dragon so quickly?
o_o I just told him that this is what the website says, and this is what the person said
so that means I am not eligable
then he just IMPLODE o_o exceptions count, exceptions to every rule..
they view your application as a whole..
did Master did lots of research, he must know that these schools recive MANY applicants..
to be even concidered my chances rest at 1%..
Master believes I can do anything, but I dont believe in myself as much as he does...
I really, really, really ,really have to do well to make up for not being eligable..
I wish, just for one day Master would sit down and "Look at my application"
see that in black and white it really is just an average joe, not whats in his head..
yes! I have 500 community service hours! but..all of them are from one source being a secretary at my dads job..yea not medical related XD
maybe ill just declare my major undecided so they wont mind that I have 500 service hours from a trucking company lol
it's too late to get hours elsewhere, but on the bright side! I can get more hours from this trucking company..
I heard it is better to have service hours in one spot..
Master got so mad..but he does not understand the risk..
If I dont get into a school in california, we will be distance again..
I was looking forward to moving to get closer to him!
but, because of my stupidity I might have just added more distance..
even if master said he would move closer, I would be sad...
Master loves more then anyone his brother..
annd I would love for him to atleast be in the same state as his brother!~
The schools around his brother, are pretty stiff competition..lol
but, it never hurts to try!~
A risk is losing something..
what if the risk is losing someone?
I just want to be closer to master, for master to be happy with me..
happy with his brother, happy with his llife, happy fucking other girls..
and one day when he is watching the sun set...he will sit down and think
"wow, my life is just perfect"
I want Master to have a great life, in california close to his brother...
close to many other asians for him to communicate with...
in a place where gays lez and trannys are ok.
a place where he can express himself without fear..
if I told master, he wouldnt listen to me for a second..
maybe just laugh at the idea that the risk is a person..not an actual object..
Master said he applied to 33 schools, his brother applied to around 50..
Unlike Master I cant afford to apply to that many schools o_o
the most I could afford is 12..
and of that 12, 9 are in California
leaving me 3 more schools left..
applying to schools I am not eligable for is such a gamble with only 12 schools and the pressure to want master to be happy..
I tryed to convince master to just abandon ship on some UC schools, but he wouldnt listen..and I was kinda scared...
but, Master is right I can't give up..
if I believe I can't do it then I already can't do it..
why is Master so inspring ?
ahhz..hes like the best...
why does he inspire me so easily...
why does he mold me in so many ways?
physically, mentally and emotionally...
ahh I want to cry 10 million thosand tears!~
tears of happiness ^_^
I've found someone that inspires me more then onew :)
(don't worry onew I still llike you ^_^)
onew is just so inspiring..he always cheers people up with chicken :)
dubdubdudbdudbu onew!~
I am going to start believing in myself..and start working harder..
I only have 40 words memorized...
need to start working harder..I can do this..
exceptions exsist, but even if exceptions dont exsist
wherever I end up..I'll follow with a smile because Master and I will begin our life together!~
Whoever is my roomate, really is lucky...
they can bring home guys every weekend if they wish ;)
I'll be spending my weekends at Masters house.. hehehehehe
sexsexsexsexsex
In fact, I happen to be popping my cheery next friday :)
Master plans on taking me to the doctor for birth control pills..
but...I dont like when Master pays for things
I know I should get used to it since I wont have any money..
but, its not like it is my money that is buying the items..
it's -Masters- money
and thats where I have a problem..
I can't really say where I think his money should go towards since it is his money
but, I feel like when he spends his money on me he is wasting it..he could be spending on cuckquean sluts or hookers..or a fleshlight or something..idk
Master applyed to 33 schools, that is just a luxary...a heaven of saftey..one of those 33 schools will accept him..his brother applied to 50+...they both expirenced luxary..
lol I can't expirence luxary like Master, but rather stress? ahh what if xyz doesnt accept me so I have to continue going to my crappy school?
Master when I told him I did not want to apply to all 9 schools too much risk, he told me he would pay for it..
I wanted to protest, but I was scared?
ok..Master scares me..
BUT THATS ONLY BECAUSE HES SCARY..
I swear....he gets all RAWR and then I just imagine his eyes changing...and then he looks like a dragon...and then he gets calm and then sudden rawr..its scary...
I will apply for schools I can afford..all other schools I will not apply too
and that is currently just 12 schools...9 in california and 3 elsewhere..it's scary since those 9 schools I am uneligable for...
but, no way will I ever, ever ever want to use Masters money..
so what I will do is..study my ass off and make sure I become someone that a university will want ;)

Karokez

Today, my mom told me to go shopping!
she gave me a credit card, she did not tell me HOW much money to spend, but simply told me buy enough supplies for two people..
Alrighty I am going back to school shopping the last week and since we waited so long all the good deals are gone...
Ok, no budget I shop smart! total 153! about $66 per person and I spent 25usd on things for myself such as makeup, skinclensers, stretch mark erasers things and a teeth whitener :p
I come and tell my parents yea 153 and they explode on me
blah blah your so stupid
and I just calmly tell them THIS is the bill, this is the price for each item (no sales)...and THIS was the budget: No budget!
then they just EXTRA IMPLODE on me ahh katie your so stupid, you dont care about anyone but yourself blah blah blah...
and then I laugh hystericlly laughing..
this just makes them implode 2x more hehe after they get over their implodness and demand I take back items for my personal needs I just say No.
I need makeup for school, I need skin cleaners and I WANT a teeth whitener? my teeth isnt white like Onews..that's a problem...
they agree I can keep everything but the teeth whitner >_<
So that only made me laugh more ^_^ then they left to go to "Work"
I simply slammed the door!~
Outside my apperance was strong..
but inside, I wanted to cry like a baby over and over and over again...
my parents have a hard time dealing with me..they just THINK i dont care..
the reality is 1. I dont care 98% of the time and 2. getting mad at me makes me laugh because you just inspired me to study thanks mom thanks dad~!
lol so when they have trouble getting mad at me..they also have trouble punnishing me..
If I take away her phone and computer she isnt sad?
If I take away her phone and computer and ipod why isnt it a punishment??
If I take away her phone adn computer and tv and ipod! why doesnt she care?
Well..when I get punnished and can't talk to Master I usually just study..I study all day and all night maybe 12hrs max.. XD
Wake up *eat* STUDY *eat* STUDY *sleep* STUDY
lol on a continuing pattern..
so much information I learn..
If my parents grounded me for a month or more before SAT I would prob get a perfect score!~
the problem I have with self study is that I just want to go online and watch onew I can't quite controll my computer hours..
I dont have a set amount of study hours..so my study time usually = 0 hours and 5mins
if so much XD ^_^ BUT I am trying to change I swear I SWEAR because I want onew songs...
but *sighs* so hard to change atleast I know tonight I have 3hrs study time in the bag!~

When I was sad today
Master simply said Love you...and I was strong inside again :)
like a band aid, he makes me feel better almost instantly..
ah, I love him more and more but why cant words tell him he is like my band aid ^_^?
so after the whole drama with my parents I became INSPIRED TO STUDY..
okkk I admit I havent studied in a while...
I study in my head?
I think ABOUT studying all day...but I dont actually study...yea..fail..never gonna get onew songs..
so after this bloggy, and after writing report THEN i study ^_^
oh and master has a big test tomarrow so...after bloggy, after writing report, after writing jyiao test email THEN study ^_^
but master has the bestest slave like dude..Master is studying till like 4am tonight and its 9pm and already I have some of his studying emails done :)
Studying emails, plane emails, jyaio emails and any other random excuse for me to send a email is not required...
nor is it expected or praised!
I guess its just a little something I like to do...who knows if it energisez Master or what..
It surely energisez me rooting for master
rooting for him when nobody else is really rooting..
who cheers for someone to take -one- test?
who cheers for someone to do their best on -one- presentation..
^_^ like OMGG WHICH OLD SCHOOL PERSON still thinks that your gonna die in a plane crash when the chances are like 0.1% lol
idk I am Masters Slave, whenever he needs me I will be there..When he doesn't need me I will also be around waiting for when he needs me ^_^..and when he THINKS that nobody cares about a stupid test or a stupid essay ^_^ kitty will always be around to make sure she cares <3
Master got an A in english..
should I be happy?
or should I have expected an A already?
One question to ponder aboutz~
Am I making my Master my gooey and lovable and more stupid at the same time?

Onew Condition!!

Ahhz I have Onew Condition <3

and since this is my blog to post whatever I want ^_^ I am going to post about my disease..

I have Onew Condition..This condition causes an intese like for Fried chicken, Clumziness, awkward funny moments and an intese love for onew <3 yayy onew!~

When I go to california..I MUST be friends with a Onew lookalike!~

I hope his name is like xiao shing zhao dong~ then..because it is too hard for me I will be like...

shing dong can I call you onew? ^_^ and then BOOM my own ONEW YAYYZZ <3

Which one is onew?

Hmm...OF COURSE ONEW IS AT THE TOP <3 only because he is the cutest look at his little wink ;)!~~ ahzz

Sadly..I am still looking for Onews Jacket =[ isnt it soo cute....I thinkk its a banc jacket..ahzz I am going to buy it <3 Itll look perfect on me rights <3 oppa would get mad if I used the money for meeting him on a onew jacket..but ahz so cute <3 cant resist...

When I dont study for  Onew and Master look the same lol...^_^ ahzzz Onew is so cute at MNET

OPPA I MUST GO TO MNET <3 LOOK HOW CUTE HIS ONEW SIGN IS!~~ Don't worry Onew

I'll study hard  :)

Reason 1 Why I hate key: AHZ KEY IS SO GAY >_< everyone is looking super hot..and hes wearing these leg tights? ewwzz... it's not even like the jo kwon kinda gay..jo kwon is gay but hes so cute that I want to pretend hes stright and defend him from gay comments!~

Key needs to take tips from onew, Onew can wear tights and make it just be PERFECT <3  SEXY ONEW HYUNG~

Hyung is waiting for me <3 ONEW HYUNG <3 YAYY

Onew said on his UFO..THAT all younger fans can call him Hyung ^_^
ISNT ONEW SO GREAT <3 ONEW HYUNG AHZZ

Hyung is so cute right? :D :D :D :D haha just so innocently cute with his sign!~

Yea Onew Style!!~

Perfect Onew hair <3 <3 <3

<3

Yea, I have Onew Condition, I dont quite mind ;)

Slipery Slidez

I used to view Master as someone who sticks closly to his beliefs, but yesterday I found out thats not the case!
I asked Master what he thought about clubs back in November, he told me something I would never froget!~
"Clubs are disgusting, it is a place for sleezy people to to get sleezy dates, I hate clubs, I wont attend a club I am not as low as some people who get drunk to go to a club to bring a girl home"
he was disgusted about clubs and thought about clubbing in a negative light
but when his friends suggusted to go clubbing, he quickly agreed!~
What does that say about Master?
I have many turnoffs, this being one of them.. I like guys who are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in, even if they happen to be standing alone...
But, I am not going to make the clubbing incident surprice me, I already knew Master doesnt stand up for what he beieves in, he is controlled by his friends....

Master wanted me to do a report!
a report to include in his flawless 200 page report about schools...
The more I wrote, the less confident I was..
My report is going to be the dead weight
I really should not do it...
I have 2 drafts of my report..both done in two seperate ways
but, I guess I am not as great as Master..
even after reading the book on writing, my writing seems bad..
It's not fair..
instead of dwelling on the deadweightness of my report..
Master said I could do the report ANY way I wanted..
so, I decided to do the essays for each school..
I deciced to write essays for schools compared to just saying WHY i want to go to xyz schools because
writing the essay shows I am dedicated to applying, and wish to go..
Maybe, I am just adding more work for master XD
Essays are all I can do to help him..
I feel ashamed and emberased that I cant do anything for him..
I hate when Master says he likes having smart friends
it just reminds me that I am not excactly his type..
I always knew I wasnt his type, but I enjoy not thinking about it?
I miss the kind of BDSM relationships I had where I was everything my Master ever wanted, the bestest thing he could wish for..
With Master, I am the bestest thing he could wish for (an awesome slave), but I still need to push for more..
but, that push to be better, that push so succeed is not a bad thing it is a posotive influence, one that I enjoy!~




I want to see Master..I want to see him on August 26-August 28th!
I'll have enough money to see him! and just a little bit extra for fun!
But, Idk..I prob wont have enough money for us to go out to dinner ^_^
but who needs to buy thai when chowmein packets exsists??? ^+^
duhhz get a clue :)
On August 26th..We can eat Chowmein and chicken! ill do the chowmein and oppa does chicken~!
and thenn August 27th...mmmm Oppa can make soup ^_^ but...idk...
nononono we can eat SUSHI ^_^ chicken sushi :) we can use the chicken from yesterday to make yummy chicken sushi :)
I guess my point is..you dont really need a lot of money to have fun?
I will have fun having sex, playing videogames and watching master <3 my chowmeinzzz yayyzzz
I pick August 26-28th because my parents will be going to newyork!
they leave august 25th at 11:30am and come back august 29th at 11:54Pm ^_^
So picking 26-28th is just perfect <3
plus my twin brother wants to sleepover at his girlfriends house, so we are both covering for each other :P
Master goes back to school next week wensday the 24th..That week will be lots of homework for him..
But, me coming doesnt get in the way!
I leave sunday MORNING ^_^ and come friday NIGHT
meaning...he has all day sunday to do homework and all afternoon friday to do homework?
and if he wishes to do homework satuday, thats fine!~ me+Rossy can play games :D '
or maybe..he can do homework while I suck his cock? ^_^
pratice makes perfect!~!
I haven't excactly mentioned this idea to Master yet...
He is in class...but after class ends, after he is done resting, after he is done eating...then I will ask him about it...
but I am scared of karma?
everytime karma screws us over >_< ahzzzz
why can't I meet the person I want to see the mostest!~
nono I will deff meet him this time <3
I wonder what a kiss feels like?
I wonder how his warm hug will feel?
I wonder...what it feels like to cuddle?
all these things I wonder makes me giggle  like a little schoolgirl..
am I so unexpirenced? xD
I want to eat chowmein on the patio, looking at the stars cuddling under a blanket...
I want to take soo many picturez with his super expensive camera..
I know, he wont ever post these pictures on facebook..but, I still want to take them memories of that perfect night <3

The more I think about seeing him next week, the more worried I get about myself..
Ahh...I am breaking out..
mm..I wish my teeth were whiter..
ahhzz what if my hair is too short...
what if he doesnt like the way my hair feels?
what if my legs are too gross?
what if my stretch marks disgust him?
what if...I am too fat?
what if..he isnt the person he said he is?
what if he does drugs?
what if he has a pet snake?
what if he doesnt like me?
what if...........................
lol it goes on forever ^_^
actually..Master rates girls all the times, but I never ask him ro rate me lol
if the ranking is too high then its rigged if the ranking is too low then I am not suitable >_<
I wish I was super hot...
coming to meet him  is not the problem, it is almost flawless plan..every X variable has been covered and every Y variable has been covered..even the random Z variable is secured..but
now the problem is  just confidence..am I confident enough to go looking like this?
am I confident enough to go knowing I am not the type of person he wishes to kiss?

Maybe, Just, Maybe

Awesome, I am back from my trip to Jamaica!
Jamiaca, woah, that trip changed me a lot.
Going to Jamaica, I begun to appreciate my life more, and appreciate the luxaires of simple things, like a clean room, cold aircondition!
Jamaica, is like the pictures you see on the TV, but thats only about 1% of Jamaica.
The parts you see on TV, is just the beach (which is beautiful, when not poulted!)
I thought about my life with Master a lot!
Somehow, I feel like oppa did not miss me, I feel so foolish for sending email capsules.
Oppa, he promised that the day I come back, we can talk on the phone for a long time!
Everytime I missed him, everytime shit happened, everytime, without fail I thought 6 more days to phone call..5 more days to phone call... 4 more days etc. until it reached 1 more hour. When that one hour passed, I was told, maybe tomarrow.
I was sad, but I had no right to be sad
I just masturbated and went to sleep, yea--maybe tomarrow.
I want to tell oppa everything, but, I think he perfers my emails/pictures compared to my voice.
If I am not talking about CQ or happiness, I fear he won't listen.
It's not fair, this relationship is never fair, but...
I studied hard today, I couldn't wait to tell oppa, but he wont listen..
I miss Hawaii, he listened to me even if I had nothing to say..
Erick, Hawaii, Dan and the other deadweights, all day they would listen to me, even if I broke their hearts a thousand times, they allways listened.
I really hate when I blog like katie, but, today I just feel like Katie.
When I feel like katie, and I look at this relationship, mmm It's just a bit strange.
Oppa, I can't understand him, why is oppa like this?
Why is oppa so stupid and so smart at the same time (-_-)
Why am I so stupid...
then when I am Kitty and I look at this relationship it is just perfect, everything I wanted, everything I could wish for!~ just perfect.
Oppa, is busy for the next 2 weeks
Maybe, just maybe........

Doublez

I am proud of myself
I did good
Masters birthday week was Great! <3
Master, did not do as much as I did for him
But, on my birthday I felt a strong happiness..
It was in a short less then 30sec recording
but, I felt so happy, can't explain how happy
That happiness, I wanted to reach Master
Being his cuckquean, Ive already made him so happy
but I want to give him that unexplainable happiness..
the kind he can't explain ^_^
I think on a 1-10 scale I think I scored a 10 on giving happiness ^_^
YAYZ ^_^ I'M HAPPY
Happy and exhusted :D
My cuckquean cherry has been POPPED ^_^
WOOW
So this is what happend
Master messaged me a quick message
Fucky time, girl in club!
After he said that something weird happened...
I was super wet, wetter then usual it felt like I was dripping..
I look and i'm SOAKING wet ^_^ woahz
I've never been this wet before I guess their is a first time for everything ^.^
I started thinking about Master kissing this girl, passionatly I was jealous for a few seconds
But I came back to the realization, that I am happy that he can get kisses, and have sex, and be happy ^_^
My jealously turned in happiness, the more I thought about him fucking girls the happier I was and also more horny!
I woudve been 50x more horny and more happy watching :)
but anywayz
I was a bit sleepy, I drifted asleep smiling
Yay, While I sleep Master will cum over and over and over again, with a girl thats not me
Smiling I went to sleep..
I awoke a few hours later, my phone was vibrating I grabbed it and put it near my pussy
LOL I guess I thought I had a vibrator
it was Master calling...
I felt Happy going to sleep
I felt 10x more Happy when I found out Master was happy
I felt a happiness I can't explain
I loved this feeling
I wanna feel this happy everyday
I wish Master fucked girls more often

Begging

Please Master

Please hurt your slave Master

Fuck S hard and deep

Fuck her all night long, or all day long

As much as you desire

your slave will watch with desire and lust

Lust to be fucked

Lust to be denied

Please deny your slave, the ability to cum

Kitty wants to watch, paying close attention to your desires

Master, Please don't forget

Your cuckquean will wait patiently for you to tell her, when you need more cucksluts

As much as you want, Your slave will always find for you

1 cuckslut or 10 cucksluts, I will try my hardest to give you what you desire

If you don't desire me, but would rather someone else

Your cuckquean will smile, and present you with more cucksluts

But, Please Master your slave askes for one thing

Please Master, Please enjoy yourself to the fulllest

Dont Think about your cuckquean Kitty

Be selfish, and focous only on your pleasure

Kitty would give up her orgasams, if it ment Master could have more

Please Master, Please cuckquean Kitty to your desires

Chosing if Kitty should watch, or not to watch

Please Master, Please chose the best cuckquean options for you

Kitty wont complain

Kitty wants her Master to enjoy herself as much as he can

If those plans, don't involve kitty at all

Kitty still wishes the best regarding Masters orgasams

Please Master, Please mold me to be the cuckquean that you desire

No matter how much pain you cause Kitty

It won't hurt one bit

Please Master, please continue to hurt your slave

Your slave wishes for your pleasure

Your slave is like a fleshlight

Used for your pleasure, denied of her own

Please use your slave correctly, as a fleshlight

Master, Your slave wishes only one feeling from you

she wishes to feel your sadistic side

Please Master, Please unleash that hidden side of you

No matter how painful or how scary

Your Kitty wont be scared she will smile and beg for more pain

Please Master, Please hurt your slave

Hurt your slave by cuckquean or by whoring her out or even beatings

No matter how harsh the pain is, Kitty won't feel a thing

Please Master, Please mold me into your bimbo cuckquean

Mold me, and give me boobies as big as you desire

Make me the hyper sexual Bimbo that you desire

Please control, mold me as you desire

Please Master, Please also control one more thing

Please control my orgasams

Control them so I can give my body complelty to you

With you in control, Master truely is able to release his sadistic side

Master, Please control me

Master

Please Use, abuse, deny and control me as you see fit.

Your slave wants to do anything for your happiness

Please allow her to show you by serviture

In her serviture she wishes to show you, her true desires to be your slave

Please Master, Please allow kitty to take every opportunity to show you

Please Master, Please enjoy yourself on your first cuckquean expirence

This is one of the many ways your slave wishes to show you her servitude

I was extremly horny writing this begging, I got horny because every word that I have written comes stright from my heart. I mean everything, and the reality of how much pain and sacrifice I want to do for my Master gets me so horny I stoped to take a break to edge, I did not cum. Master did not tell me to cum, I am used for his pleasure, so I was unable to bring myself to cum. As I lay in bed thinking about how strong I wish to cum, and thinking, Wow...Master really controls me so much

ENERGY POWER

YAYY
Master opens his gift in 3hrs!
I wonder if he will like it!!~
ahghh I missed the gift soo muchzz
I Liked looking at it ^_^
its sooo mega ccutee <3 <3 <3
=^o^=
I just worry aghhh did it break...
AGHZZZ what iff he cant read my writing
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I frogot to spell check my writing ^_^
lol just random worries fillz my headd rawrz
What if he opens the gift the wrong way?
or if he doesnt understand :O etc.
Not really worrying if he will like it..
theirs a quote...
If your in love, you will love any gift your lover gives you!~
So Since master loves his slave no worries ^_^
Then!~~ My other accomplishments for this week
WOAH..did you read alll my blogz yeaaaa I did like 3 blog entries all chocolate all 3pages long ^_^
I know, I'm an awesome kitty =^___^=
I feel happyy yaayyzz happiesss
Master has a boy whos a friend whos a roomate
so BOYFRIENDROOMATE
Masters boyfriendroomate I wonder what he looks like
master says hes ugly...but master says onew is ugly
Master and kitty argue last night abtz sleeping
I was like OPPAAA I WANNA GO SLEEPY AT 6AM
thennn Master was like KItty you go sleepy at 5am
thenn I was like OPAAAAAAAAA
THEN he was like KITTYYYYY
and thennnnn he said i can stay up 630am!
and thenn at 5am I was sleepy so I go bed ^_^
and thene Master was like UGHZZZ KITTYYY >_<
AND THEN I was like ^_^
ahh 5AM SLEEP WAKE UP 8AM!~ THEN MEGAA ENERRGYYY
NO NAPPIEZ ALLL DAYS NOT EVEN ONEZ YAYYZZ ENERGYY POWERR
and thennn tonight I stay up till 5am again and wake up 8am again and then MEGA ENERGY REPEATZZZ AND THENN MONDAY I REPEAT AND TUESDAY I REPEAT AND THEN WEND AND THURSDAY FOREVERZZZZZZZ AGHZHZZ YAYYZZZ ^_^
When I happy I use Z'S Super muchz like
Oppaz
Mazter
Gmailz etc. ^_^
I STAY UP LATEE ALLL NIGHT EVERY DAYYY!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Make songs+poems+dances+words+ say oppaa lotz of times+ hum+piano+ asian dramas+ bloggyyyyyz+ fl+ EVERYTHINGZZ YAYYYZZ
STAYING UP LATE ROCKZ <3 <3

Zomgz

Objectification is term used to describe the process of regarding something or someone as an object. In this relationship, objectification will be a strong point in the relationship. The most important object that I will be objectified into is a bimbo. A bimbo, is a girl with large boobs, and is constantly focusing on sex, rather then work. Being a bimbo to my master, It will give him a sense of pride, knowing he has a trophy girlfriend, with the biggest breast. Having a bimbo has many benefits other then sex, it gives my master total power, to control and mold my mind the way he desires.

With this newly found power, he is able to let out his sadistic side. By denying his slave multiple times, he is hyper seualizing her. There are many hyper sexualizing techniques, my favorite technique is during cuckquean sesssions. As the slave watches her Master and the slave cum, she is denied the pleasure of cumming. This technique, encourages hypersexualization, but also encourages putting her Masters pleasure before hers. Being unable to cum during these sessions, she develops a deeper desire for his pleasure. As the sessions increase, the slave will be able to experience the same orgasmic pleasure, she feels when her master cums. Once the sessions have ended, the bimbo will be horny more often, but also have a deeper respect for her Masters pleasure, and disregard her own. This creates a perfect mixture of hypersexal bimbo, and also a bimbo that understand her sexual desires are not important.

Being a bimbo is a two step process, the first step is to lure the Master with her looks. This is achieved by having large EE breast. With these large EE breast, the bimbo would then wear a shirt that is two times smaller then her size, this creates a tight popping look, that brings immediate attention to her breast. After he is lured by the large breasts, he takes a closer look, to see that this Bimbo is lacking the proper outfit that covers her body completely, with high heels and miniskirt, the bimbo leaves just enough for his imagination to go running. After he has been successfully lured, the most important part for the bimbo is to perform her sexual duties, to the best of her ability. Using her tongue, in a way that pleases her Master. look forward to being objectified into a stupid bimbo, for my Masters pleasure. Using my tongue to please his cock, and allow him to use, abuse and explore my body for his own pleasures.

(^_o)

I stayed up all night in an intense skype call with master
The call included lots of screaming and firey eyes
And many hiding attempts under my blanket escaping from masters fire..
I wasn't quite hiding from myself but rather from master
So scary...
He tryed to scare me by saying he would dissown me if I messaged deadweights again
Deff served the purpose! So scared...
After he told me I wanted to cry...
I wanted to puke..
I wanted to just run away ~.~
Hiding undermy blanket telling myself not to cry..
Don't get sick..don't run away be strong..
Masters firey thing went away after a while..
When he's mad I can see..his eyes will change shape pre mad..
Then full blown mad the full shape is formed! Ahh...not cute
Then..later when I asked him about disowning me..
He got emotional..
Master shoudve had a blanket like kitty!~
I felt bad...why did I give him emotions ughhzz
I know I shouldn't feel bad that I caused emotions
I wonder if he always got emotional in the past with his last girlfriends...
I'm his first slave so its a bit hard to compare xD
Master didn't mean he would dissown me..
But when he said it..I felt used..
How could he make me believe in fairy tales and tell me I'm the only one..
Then he could so easily say he would dissown me.. like I wasn't special just the average slave that you could easily find..
I told master that I won't forget what he said
I know its not true but that feeling I don't want to forget
I need to do better so he won't ever say it again..
I'm special :/ not common I swear
I deleated all my deadweights..
Anyone who even spoke one word of dislike of master or pressured me or just not quality friends
After deleating only one of my bdsm friends were quality...in fact he loves master and he reads my blog!~~
He's a nice guy he helps me with math and never expects anything from me except for more blog updates :p
Haha master allowed me to cum but I have to txt him thank you
I went to sleep at6am!
I masturbated so tired, and cummed quickly!~
Then I closed my eyes and imagined I sent a txt to master
A cute poem..
Around 10am I woke up! Fuck, I didn't txt master
So sent txt then back to sleep
The poem was beautiful (atleast I thought so)
But too sleepy to end the poem beautifully haha
Master said it made him happy though
I like when I can make him smile!~~!
But when I woke up at 12pm it was weird..I felt free
I had 0 messages!
Nobody complaining about. Their life
No annoying messages from anyone..
The world looks more beautiful today!~
I've been released, not worrying if erik has money for college
Or about his drunk dad!
Or about his future because he can't keep a job
Etc. Etc. Etc.
Just my life with master!~~
Ahh feels good
Theirs a piano song...it explains my love for master
Simple but beautiful
Light but heavy...
Carefree but restricted..
Not appreciated by everyone but special to those who understand!~
The melody is perfect!~
I wanted to show master a sample..
I've had brief piano lessons..I only know how to hold my fingers...
It was hard I praticed 3hrs stright untill my hand started to cramp
And all I could think of was B F B C F...#A C ughzz...
The recording I sent master wasn't perfect!~
He said it was good but I know he was lying :/
Its cool bc I was up 4am-6am and I praticed and I'm doing greatz!!
I wanna finish bf finals
Its not a popular piano song...
Its chinese and I..can't read the tittle :p
Some people when they listen to it..
They say its romantic!
Others say its depressing
And then other stupid people say it sucks..
I wonder which catagory it will fall into for master...
I think its romantic, Romanticly simple :)
When I get married,I have the wedding all planned outz ^_^
I'm gonna play a song dedicated to my husband!~ and he will do the same!~~~ ahhh the best part of the wedding ^_^
whenever me and joppi eat lunch or something..we always decide " Wedding worthy?" its almost always no :p but can't help but ask each other ^_o
sometimes I feel bad..I am friends with someone, that I shouldn't be friends with.. and the worst part is that If she knew about all this..she would hate me foreverz, I guess you can say our relationship is going to end in 2012, leaving joppi and starting a bimbo life with master how perfect everything i wanted <3

ND

Ahh I wish oppa was here to wipe my tears :(
I hate when people come back into my life I get so confused...
Does that mean I'm a good person so they come back?
Am I a bad person but they want to settle for me?
Do they do it to trick me on purpose..
My ex..when we ended the relationship he told me
"Katie, your never going to be happy your worthless, a stupid young girl who doesn't have the skills to become. Anything in life, your a mean heartless bitch, I hope you rot in hell" *signs off*
After that my confidence tanked, I just considerd myself worthless, and I thought about switching careers..then I met master, he was wrong I was happy, super happy...everything he said was a lie..just a lie to stay with me and crush my dreams of deserving someone more educated and suitable to be my boyfriend, my master..
Recentlly, he has came back into my life..apparently I am the smartest,hottest, most caring girl in the world, and it was a privilage for him to date me..
I just cried endless tears after he said that..how could he destroy my confidence months ago and come back and tell me these things..how cruel..
But the same person I am so kind and gentle to..
Why am I so kind to him?
Why must I be his friend?
Why can't I block him...
Blocking him makes me just as cruel as him..
I'm not a cruel person
Why does master want me to be so cruel...
I just want to be a good person
One who makes everyone around them happy
One that saves lives...
A beautiful person inside
And a beautiful person outside

Loanna

 The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand"

Limitless slavery is a form of a slavery involving giving up complete control to your owner. In limitless slavery, the slave gives up her rights to her Master. The slave has no property of her own including money, she forfeits her rights and property to her Master. In this relationship, the Master is obligated to provide the basic support needs to his slave, which includes shelter and food. But, how much food and where she lives is to decided by her Master. The most important aspect of this relationship is trust. Without the basic fundamentals of trust, a limitless slavery is difficult to achieve, trust will become the foundational knots that ties the relationship together.  The responsibility of having a limitless slave, can be daunting but the rewards far exceeds the extra responsibilities. Being a limitless slave to my Master I feel it can offer Master the opportunity to express his sadistic, creative side. Expressing his sadistic side, he will be able to find the hidden side of himself that is often left in the dark. Master wishes to hurt me, not entirely for his enjoyment, but rather out of love. I do not want to restrict his love, giving him the opportunity to express his love, to his fullest extent, without restrainment.

Limitless slavery, is sometimes called a taboo in the BDSM world. Many people consider it a fairytale, it is impossible for someone to love and trust a Master so much, that they forfeit their rights, and limits. Those who participate in limitless slavery, are able to experience the joy and beauty of slavery. Fulfilling the needs of their Master despite t he feelings they experience along the way. I will fulfill the needs of my Master, with the strongest emotions of happiness in my heart. Because, the pain I had to experience, is not pain at all, but rather his love for his slave. Wanting to experience this love, I feel a strong desire, a desire that leads me to crave the pain. Waiting anxiously for the next girl he will fuck, hoping he will fuck more, and puzzling over what lies in Masters sadistic heart for his Slave to feel. If cuckquean is just the top of his sadistic desires, then I want to feel the bottom. The bottom that includes whoring me out, and severe spankings. With this ideal in mind, I wake up filled with hope, and lust for pain. I say a mantra before bed, in my mantra, I have include a section dedicated to wanting to explore the sadistic side of my Masters love. The words, I have started to say are " Master, Please hurt me, hurt me as much as your heart desires, until you run out of pain to dish out. Your slave wishes to be hurt, and molded into the perfect Bimbo for your amusement." I have included that part, because I have again understood the beauty of the pain, and I do not want to forget the beauty of pain.

Endless boundaries for the expression of love, endless opportunities to hurt his kitty. But, limitless slavery is not focused on just pain, but rather has many dimensions. Dimensions that Master will explore with his power. Humiliating kitty, without her opposing, or whoring kitty out to his friends. What he can do with his power, has no limitations, the crucial part of a limitless slavery, is for a Master not to limit himself. Limiting himself to only one aspect of BDSM, or limiting himself to a few aspects of hurting his slave, many Masters become trapped in a box. An inescapable box, trapped in the mindset that they only have the powers to be a Master in certain aspects of their slaves life.

I am not yet a limitless slave, but rather a limitless slave in progress. In this progress, the hardest part for me is agree without begging or complaining. I will always agree to whatever he asks of me, but sometimes I find it hard to restrain myself from begging. But, that is a simple problem to correct over time this problem should be completely erased. Having this as my main problem, is not a limitation, but rather something that should be celebrated. Because it shows I  have the mindset to be a good limitless slave, but lack the final knots to tie it all together.

Limitless slavery is as beautiful as bondage knots. Limitless slavery and bondage knots are also similar by the importance of each knot, lacking one knot will cause the form to be broken, or less funtionable.  the first knot is the foundation, that will lay as the base of the relationship. This knot is trust, without trust the relationship will be lackluster. Instead of the beautiful enjoyable limitless relationship that it was intended to be, it becomes a forced relationships, lacking the beauty that once existed.  The second knot Is beauty, the beauty in giving up yourself to someone else. The ability to hand over your rights and wants to someone more superior to you, carries a strong undeniable beauty. Giving up your desires, for the hopes that your Master will fully enjoy himself, with whatever he wishes for you to do. Having one knot, but lacking the other is a liability to the limitless slave relationship. Although, the relationship might be able to still function, the true beauty of a limitless slave relationship has become lost.

I want our relationship to resonate with true beauty. Trusting Master more and more each day, making the foundational knot stronger. Trusting Master, I have shared with him the secrets of my past, and the wishes I have for my future. Everyday the foundational knot of trust becomes stronger. What I have have observed, is the stronger our trust with each other becomes, the stronger our love is, and thus we have started to see eye to eye on the beauty of being a Master and slave. The beauty has drawn us closer, and it will continue to become stronger as I am molded into being a limitless slave. The second knot, is not yet as strong as I would like, but everyday becomes stronger. Accepting Masters word as the law, and accepting without question. Being a limitless slave is far in the future, but our future will be beautiful. Sadistically perfect, Master hurting me with his love, while I complete his every desire. The true reward in a limitless slave is not power, but rather the beauty in having a slave so obedient and determined to do her best for her Master, fulfilling his wildest dreams, that he imagined was never possible.

Magisterial

My cuckquean cherry will be popped shortly, while thinking about this new experience I am ambivalent. I am scared, worried, confused but ultimately deeply in love. I am scared that Master will fuck others, and will develop apathetic feelings towards me. I am not a diffident person, but with him fucking others, he will discover that I am a dilettante, not able to satisfy him as well as others who are are more experienced with their tongues. He will no longer find happiness in my zealot, optimistic personality but rather focus on my flaws. My main concern about this is that master will become reticent about his unhappiness, and it will slowly affect our relationship in an adverse way. Masters implacable lust for girls, can passably be the demise of our relationship. Although, I have a few negative feelings regarding cuckquean, I feel delighted to be able to give Master this unique experience. Providing him with a copious amount of girls, ranging in body shapes and personalities.

As a slave, I am quite malleable, whatever Master wishes I can shift into that form of mindset, or personality. This quality trait, has become habitual. When Master asked me, how do I feel about cuckquean, although I had a pessimistic outlook on it, I was able to quickly transform my emotions into a optimistic viewpoint. My feelings towards cuckquean were ineffable, but, because I knew Masters deepest desires, was to have a cuckquean slave. I adapted my feelings about cuckquean, to be better suited for Masters desires. I put my personal feelings, on the back burner so that Master can accomplish his desire to own a cuckquean. I put my feelings last in the relationship, because it is my duty as a slave, to ensure my Master is happy. As a slave, I surrender my rights to emotions that counteract what my Master wishes, because these emotions are not compatible with my role as his slave. The role of a slave is to please her Master, despite her feelings towards the subject. Fulfilling my role as a slave, I have allowed my feelings to not play a role in the decision to be a cuckquean, but rather let Masters happiness with a cuckquean allow me to make my decision.

The first test, of my malleability was last night. Master wanted to set up a date with a girl called S, in hopes of a Birthday fuck. My first reactions, were hurt,confused,disappointed and sad, this confirmed Masters penchant for sex, over ensuring stability of our relationship. Due to the rush of feelings, I was detached, not knowing how to respond. After collecting my emotions, I told Master that It was a great idea. I took my negative emotions regarding the fucking, and shifted it into a positive light. Master fucking S is innocuous, and the outcomes would only be Masters happiness would be increased. Focusing on Masters happiness, the increase of his happiness outweighs the possibilities of a deleterious impact on the relationship. Focusing on the short term aspects, cuckquean would be mellifluous, but in the long term aspect it could be potentially erroneous. Certain problems could occur, that will make the relationship difficult to maintain. Problems such as STDs, babies, lack of attention to the BDSM relationship and more. These errors, could be the demise of the relationship, but I am willing to take the risk, so that master can achieve the short-term happiness that he is craving
.
Although, adding cuckquean can exacerbate our relationship, if done correctly it has the potential to ameliorate this relationship. The perfect relationship would end with Master exonerated, leaving him feel satisfied and refreshed without any ounces of guilt. A Master is entitled to be selfish, indulging in his needs while rejecting the needs of his slave. Ideally, I would like to see the girl he wishes to fuck regularly tested, along with making  sure she understands what type of relationship she will have with my Master. It will be  a relationship, that will allow no advancements, and will never advance into anything more then a quick fuck. Having the girl understand, completely what this means pertaining to babies, and other forms of romantic aspects is the most important aspect for a perfect cuckquean expirence. Having her understand her role in the relationship, will make me more comfortable towards the idea, thus allowing me to have a sense of ellan towards cuckquean. During the fucking, I would like to be edging, not able to cum until given permission form Master or denied permission from Master. Cumming, or not cumming during the cuckquean experience is not important to me. I enjoy the feeling of being teased, and denied but have no preference whether I should cum or not, if Master decides I should cum, I will be happy, but if he denies me to cum, I will still be happy. Although, I might not be able to cum I would like to see Master cum, cum many times, all over the place. After the experience has ended, I would like to be able to lick cum, or pussy juice from Master, as my souvenir. Remembering the taste of her cum in my mouth, or the taste of Masters cum would create a deeper memory in my mind, compared to a pantie or a picture. The taste of a cum from Master will remind me that I did not cause him pleasure, but someone else caused him this pleasure. The taste of the girls pussy's juice, on masters lips will remind me, that Master enjoyed himself with a girl that was not me. These two feelings, I will be able to remember clearly. I would be most unhappy with a girl who ignores the fact that she will not have any personal advancement in my Masters life, and ties us both down with STDS

I am excited to be a cuckquean and show Master my determination and desire to make him happy. With cuckquean Master can see my love for him, and my desire in the BDSM aspect of the relationship I have with him. Because, me and Master are currently long distance the first encounter with S, I will not be able to participate in it as much as I would like to, but I still wish for Master to enjoy this experience, even if I am not able to be apart of this experience. When I think the experience I have with Master is unfair, or I become unhappy, I think about the meaning behind being a slave, and how the meaning of being a slave, has affected the dynamics of this relationship. Being a slave, I am the property of Master, and I am under his full control unless otherwise stated. As his property, I am not entitled to anything, including money. But as his slave, I wish to give my Master, my owner, as much happiness as I can give him. Despite the pain I might feel, or the long term effects, my Master deserves and is entitled to feel the happiness he will receive by having a cuckquean.

Axiom

Today has really been the first time where I have sat down and looked at all of my blog posts.
It was really weird, seeing my sturggles and my happiness over the last few months.
I was ashamed of my writing, so ashamed that I never wanted to write!
My first assigment was just blahhh and so was the second and third, untill one day I got tired of master calling my writing garbage.
Lol that was intresting to read, I read my emotional distress about writing and my sturggles learning to write!~
Now months later my writing isn't better, but it has passed the garbage stage!
I try to write or read about writing everyday!~
The best pratices for my writing are the assignments, because it requires a deeper level of thinking.
Master quoted my assignment cuckquean often today, he loved it so much.
Cuckquean was the first assignment I felt I expressed my emotions in a clear way.
With small editing and better word choice It would be a really good thing to post in another forum like fetlife or cm profile journal!~
Since masters birthday is coming up and I am slowly feeling better about my writing and myself every passing dayy!
I decided to write a assigment everyday leading up to his birthday!~
Kinda like an advent calander and then the night before his birthday..I will release what I concider to be the best more anticipated assignment :D
I've been doing a bit of studies to make sure this is good!~
I am not sure why I work so hard on masters present..
If I had just sent him a present he would be happy
But I do many things :D
I like that about me..I don't limit myself!~
Master has a girl for a birthday fuck
At first I was jealous
So jealous I would implode
Then I was sad so jealous I cried
And then I was mad so mad I thought my face was a chili pepper!
And for a longg time I was numb..
I was reading,replying and chatting but I felt like nothing
I regained emotions and decided my emotion was happy!
I want to atleast try out cuckquean if I hate it and I don't want to do it
Then me and master can discuss who knows I might love it!~~~~~~
Master won't find another girl like me, I'm not a easy pick
So I don't get worried about him losing intrest :)
Now I just want his happiness!~
I tried to make blessings for master I had blessings of happiness..blahh
Happy master
Happy cock
Happy balah blahh
Etc. Why so much happiness!~~
Before I met master, he wasn't happy with his girlfriend.. no happiness alloweed!
Now everyday I hear him say he is happy, I brung a happiness to him
I can't wait to bring more!~ happiness+warmth+boobies+simpleness!~+ bentos+chowmeinss+cuckqueaning things+ girls for him to fuck...aggghh endlessless list
Master found happiness in kittys world of simplicity, simply bringing happiness not for her personal gain but just because of love
But kitty also was able to learn something from master
Learning to never give up, to stop writing garbage!~~ learning to seek education in Masters complex world, I am not yet competent, but I am confident that I won't give up :)
Before Master, I never worte essays for fun!
Now everyday I write essays, 2 pages min, its not a drag but rather enjoyable
I enjoy the most when I write pages for assignments!~ letting my submissive mind go crazy :)
Today I did something crazy
I typed up 14 (unfinished) pages of vocabulary :o
Wahhhhhh and then I have to retype into my flashcard set oh joyz!~
Inspiration, by my master :D

Bootcampz

Master is so awesome ^_^
I always knew he was awesome but ehh...never this much awesome
Master kinda quizzed me on the book I was reading called Great Expectations
I thought I knew the book really really really good but after the quiz although I got most of the questions right, I found that I wasn't reading enough to answer deeper level questions.
I started reading more actively and surprisingly I found lots of good things~~
I have a lot of theories...but I need to find things to back it up :O
Since I finished part one of the book I am going to go back and find things to support my theories and my ideas and put it in a word doccument..
Master he wants me to write a ten page essay on this book!
I told him he was crazy -_-
I thought he was joking, but he seemed really serious?
Maybe I'll get lucky and he really was joking?
but just in case he is NOT joking, I am making a word doccument of intresting things that I can connect later...
I know master wants 10 page of substance not 5 pages of substance is 5 pages of fluf..
but to be honest I always do 1 page of substance and then the rest is fluff...
OR I just pay a slave, pay a friend or order a slave to do my essays....
rawrr so long has it been since I wrote something so long by myself -_-
I told Master that in the book I am reading, I find that I am most like this guy in the book who does not learn that much, but believes he learns sooo much when really he has learned nothing..
Master told me I am not like that guy since I have learned so much
Maybe Master is right..Master got really mad multiple times during the skype call because I am afraid...I am afraid that maybe, just maybe I am not good enough to go to a great school..not good enough to write great essaays or take classes. His eyes went like >_< when Master gets mad his eyes get soo SMALL it looks like (>_<)  he doesn't look cute anymore =[
Master looks super cute like this when he is happy (^_^)  He was mad for a long time he was so pissed...Just eating his steak in a pissed way and just screaming at me..He screamed and screamed and screamed I just felt like crying >_<  Master was soo mean...blahhh
After the mean phases went away and Master was too tired to be pissed ^_^ I thought about it, Master is pissed because he knows I can do better so I have to do better from now on!
After that little peptalk to myself I was ready to do better :) I reread a few chapters of the book, and read the book with active reading! I wasn't sure If i knew how to read actively, so before I read I decided it would be best if I read a few articles on active reading. That helped me a lot, after reading the book again I found many things that I did not see earlier :) that made me happy the next time master questions me on the book I am gonna show big improvments 100% guranteee and since Master wants me to write a 10 page paper on the book I decided to start reading a college textboook called Writing Annallyticaly, actually its not a bad read I learned many things!
Now when I read the book ever page I ask myself these questions maybe not all of these questions, but atleast some of these question ^_^
1.Which detials seems significant? Why?
2.What does the detial mean?
3. What else might it mean?
4.  How do the detials fit together? What might they have in common?
5. What do these pattern of details mean?
6. What else might these same pattern of details mean?
7. How else could it be explained?
These 7 questions are like so amazing! I've found lots of reoccuring patterns that I brushed off as nothing! Like the Mist, the birds, some friends, how characters are described! and more! ^_^
maybe I am reading too deeply into the book, but I rather have a lot of theories and just narrow them down to the ones I can actually prove then not having many theories :D
I tryed to tell my friend Joppi to try reading the textbook, since its actually not a dull read but rather a intresting read. She was not intrested in reading the textbook its not that big of a read just 384 pages! compared to the 544 pages in great expectations! Although I am reading writing annalytically I am also reading "Elements of Style" which is a short read at only 105 pages! I told her about both of these books, she wasnt intrested in reading =/ A part of me felt like pip in the book wanting to pass all the information to her so that when I do score high, and become a scholar..she won't be left behind. That feeling, feels terriable!  I still try to pass down the information still, it's things she will need!~ I personally feel like self help books are amazing for me! I take the information I learn and run with it, I learned a lot of my grammar not from actual teachers but rather from books. My grammar is still bad, because I did not finish the book yet lol xD But, now when I get back english papers, I dont get points off for bad grammar, but rather points off for other flaws. My grammar went from a F- to a B- ^_^  I hope to get it to a A+ soon :) like  Ocotber 1st soon ;)
So Masters present.....I got it! I got the BEST idea, and it came to me in the most RANDOM place ever..  The present, is something master does not believe in. But, it is something that I believe in strongly! I know its kinda risky giving him something he does not believe in..I hope he will use it though ^_^  if not use, atleast put it somewhere he can see it everyday!~~
I like this gift, maybe a bit better then mudkips even though mudkips wouldve been great if I wasnt such a clutz hahah. I don't think I am ever gonna tell Master what hapapned to mudkips lol so stupid what caused mudkips to be destroyed lol...
I love arts and crafts, but I suck at actually crafting?
LOL so I screwed up Masters current present..I screwed up prettyy bad...
I saved it though! I think,I screwed up more then I planned to..but I saved it and it still looks pretty?
I asked joppi what she thought of the gift she said it was PERFECT but it was too girly..
Ooops.....
I can't help adding my own little girly touch?

I try to tell joppi as much as I can about Master and our relationship in a vanilla wayy!
I even want to tell joppi about how I am writing a 10 page paper, in a normal couple relationship I guess your boyfriend wouln't tell his girlfriend to write a 10 page paper...So I phrased it as Boot camp!
LOL and with this Boot camp idea.. I am able to explain a lot of my reasonings to her not only about studying but also about weightloss and eating healthy for the mind...and reading weird books ^_^ LOL I laugh when I think about how vanilla I can make anything for joppi :)

 me: Adam said if I cant answer his math question in less then 25 seconds without a calculator then I need to start his  bootcamp lol it took me 5mins to answer >_<
 joppi: lol
 me: his bootcamp is ccrazyy joppi O_o
 joppi: lmao boot camp?
 me: likeee the first thing that i am doing on his bootcamp is writing a 10 PAGE PAPER
  on a book
  10
joppi: wtf
 me: ONE ZEO page.o_o hes crazy right?
 joppi: yesss
 me: I dont even write my own essayss in english class o-O when im done ill send you the first page ;)
 joppi: hahaha wow
 me: yea...crazy bootcamp..
 and lsat night he waas like whats 90,555,560,450/5
  it was crazy o_o I missed yoko
 joppi: haaaaa wow i need paper  nd pencil
 me: lol yea no paper allowed in bootcamp
 joppi: k iam droppin out wat was the guessin  *Translation : The question*
 me: lol the question? ill tell you tomarrow ;)
joppi: lol wow congrats
me: lol :) dont worry joppi after i finish adams bootcamp ill bring the bootcamp to you ;) 25page essay on jodi picoult sister keeper
 joppie: ya no thank  nope  nawt doin it
 me: lol he said that when he gets kids each year their kids need to write a essay like If they are in 3rd grade they need to write a 3page essay and if they are in 4th grade... a 4 page essay etc.
  O_O starting from 1st grade
  I think his kids will run away
 joppi: o my
 me: Theyll run to your house ^_^
  and your kids will laugh at them and say they have no eyes
joppi: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
  omgg
  imaginee
 me: I Keep telling him his kids will run away no christmas+esssays =/
 joppi: okay or the kids will won't like hym at all like hate
 joppi: u should tell hym tat
 joppi: don't marry hym
 me: lol i love him ^_^
 me: true true
  hes asian?
 josephine: -_-
 me: lol
2:54 PM Maybe when u get an arranged ull have a guy like adam
  someone who seems really normal but is not normal at all but really strange

Make-shift

Rawr
Today I realised...
I always let master into my life
but master always blocks me in his life
rawrrr wtf is with that -_-
whateverzz I am chillazed...
Always calm and collected kitty ^_^
for everyime master makes me go rawrrr I can multiply it by the time master makes me go <3 or fangirl
ahh....... Fangirling beats my rawring by like 1million
I can fangirl like 20times in 30 seconds!
Master knows <3
sometimes I think he secretly supports fangirling by making me fangirl
ahh...I looked like a fool today fangirling >_<
but master was shirtless and his hair was so long and perfect and his eyes were so cute and big
and he just made my heaart race <3
and his yawning face looked like a kitten super cutezz :D
ahhhh!! I love Master
When I meet him, I know it will be easy to serve him..hes just so cute that I want to just do everything instantly
When Master thinks too much he looks ugly -_-
that means! I keep mater cute by making him think less!
letting him have someone where he can just froget about the world and complex thinking and just think simply :)
because I think simply so master should think simply also!~!
Today I was shopping lalala and thinking about oppa then I found the PERFECT gift :)
Its not really a gift that better then mudkips
its more of a gift that is special..not that mudkips isnt special
I worry a lot about my gift...will he think its garbage..will he throw it away...will he hate it...will he say he loved it but hated it...ugh
This gift..is not store made
I had to make it myself
With creativity and my hammer ^_^ haha
Ahhh my hammer is so scary i'm so scared like AHHH did i hammer myself?
I wonder if he will use it...
nono I decided after all my stressing -_- master MUST think or concider a gift for kitty on her bday or christmas or something ~.~ aghh too much stress
why is master so hard to please blahhhzzzz
I wish he was more simple then gifts would be easy :)
but then again..master doesnt even like the thought of a gift
on another note
I want a logo
I was thinking...
What makes my emails diffrent from everyone else?
what makes the pictures I send diffrent?
How many times does oppa get a cute picture?
o_o do I need a logo?
Nope!
Do I -want- a logo..yea XD
lol whats the chances I will use my logo?
Low chances..
Master and kitty are not a company XP
lol idk..
I have a few designs I will show next post ^_o needs lots of work!
So Lastt night
Master foundout that cuckqueaning is a big fetish of mines
ranked number 2 in top 5!~
close cut between orgasam denial and cuckquean
I wanted cuckquea number one..
but then orgasam denial must be number one if i wanted to do them both together
Master was so happy last night!
it erased every ounce of doubt from my mind..
every doubt regarding if I should continue..
I always think- Maybe I should quit, maybe we are not fated and I am not the slave he wants, hes just settling, but really hes waiting for a supermodel who speaks chinese and can write like stephen king and can sing like alica keys.. instead he got a girl that looks blah, cant speak chinese, can not write like stephen king, but rather a kindergardner and can't sing at all
I am happy that he can be so happy with someone like me  ^_^
me and master are a good fit :)
I swear next posts are on cuckqueen fantasies and then limitless slavery (no order) just soon ^_^

Simplicity

Usually...I name my titles of blogs random things, the first thing in my mind!
but today I named it simplicity for a reason.
I thought about it, Master got an A on a test for English class.
What should I do..
Should I sing this song, should I just scream yayy!, should I dress up super sexy...
I decided, that I am going to do my best attempt to impress Master with an essay!
I am not the best writer, I slaved so hard to make this look good..
last night I did get a chance to read elements of style :) so I used a lot of the tips!~
Using more active verbs, less passive verbs, more sentence variety etc.
Even if my attempt at an essay fails, I hope Master can see the hard work I put into it, I started this essay at 6pm and its 10pm now :o ahhh!~~
I originally was going to write about ANR relationships, and then I thought about writing about being a limitless slave to fulfill my assignment :p
I  wanted to write about limitless slavery, but this is a present not an assignment :p
So! I imagined I was on fetlife explaining what makes my master special, what makes us different from every other relationship on this site! ^_^  I touched on several topics including what makes relationships fail and other random things
I named this post simplicity because I hope in this writing master can find the simple emotions present in my writing, I know he will not dig for my emotions.
But writing this, I wrote simply with beautiful simple emotions.
I took simple sentences of my emotions, and tried to manipulate them to something more coplex, just like Master has tried to do with me.
I even saved my first ORIGINAL draft 
I hope master asks so he can see how that simple progress went!~!
So without further adieu
CONGRATULATIONS MASTER, GET MORE A'S!~~


A strong BDSM relationship, requires the strong support of healthy, sane Master . Masters failing to provide strong support, are incapable of long-term relationships, because Slavery is 95% mental, and 5% physical. Masters unaware of the value of developing strong mental relationships, will encounter more obstacles. Miscommunication, commonly arises because of negligence of the mentality of slavery. Masters incapable of having long-term slave, often believe slavery is 95% physical and 5% mental. This mind-set results in barriers preventing the growth and evolution of the relationship. My Master constantly reminds me of the importance of keeping this mind-set, because it applies to Masters as well as slaves.

Long-distance BDSM relationships, are beneficial, not detrimental. Long-distance, allows deeper understanding of what the future foretells. Because of the lack of physical contact, stronger mental relations are built. My Master has discussed his expectations of me in the future. By discussing our plans, it allows me to adapt to my Masters expectations. Listening to my feelings he directs the relationship accordingly. Our relationship has evolved, towards a limitless slavery.

Progressing towards limitless slavery, takes time. My first bump in the journey occurred when Master wanted to have multiple girlfriends. I immediately rejected the idea, hurt and jealous by his suggestion. He showed no further interest, instead he continued gently molding me. He asked me last week about having multiple girlfriends, overjoyed with the prospect of him with other girls, I offered to help him find girlfriends. I grasped the concept, that my personal needs, are not important. From his tendering care, I valued his happiness over mines. Master uniquely used the distance between us to benefit him.

Master did not direct my focus on completing tasks, but rather the mindset behind completing tasks. I'm a slave who has never experienced bondage, or experienced a proper spanking. But rather, I write essays regarding the topics that appeal to Master. Essays allows me to analyze a large range of BDSM topics, to understand the mentality behind them. For example, one of the essays I wrote was about Bimboism, In this essay I analyzed the thinking process of Bimbos. I analyzed from the clothes Bimbos wear, to the thinking process in their brains. I presented Master with a detailed analysis of the mindset of a Bimbo. Information I gained from this essay, gave me the understanding I needed to be molded into the perfect Bimbo for Master.

To mold my mind, Master has gone with an unusual approach. Self molding, allowing me to mold to what he wishes, as time and trust grows. With patience, this method yields great results. Results Master has yielded from his method are astonishing. Growing as a person, as well as a slave because of him. My journey as a limitless slave is long. So far, I am a slave that Master owns proudly. I have become Kitty, a slave willing to sacrifice her happiness for her Masters. My Master has remained true to hiself, never losing sight in this relationship. As Master helps me become a limitless slave, I know he will be happy every step of the way with his Kitty.

Quickyy

Quick update!

So, Offically addicted to this book Great Expectations!
I love it <3
The author is like toying with my emotions..
I read the book and I start crying noo........
and then when the character is nervous..my heart IMPLODES ahh!~~
well at night I think I am more emotional..
I can read a book at 3am and cry my eyees out
but I can read the same thing at 11am and nothing will happen just "oh..ok!"
yeaa I'm weird!~~~
Master got an A on a test ^_^ a midterm yayyy
he usually gets C's so now I want to do something awesome for him <3
nothing like usual!
I have been working on my surprise for a bit ughh I wonder if he will like it...
It is not what I usually do like emails, poems and singing
lol something more thoughtfull^_^
something he can appreciate!~!!
yayyzzz but ugh so much hardwork..
I hate biting my nails, but I cant help but bite my nails as I worry if it willl look good...
Will it look good mm...will he like it?
what if he hates it...
!.! rawrr
anyways gotta go back to working!~! I need to finish before master goes to sleep!

I'm Backz!~~~~

Heh, I am back to writing like an annoying person online!~ atleast for today!~


So, I wrote so much to Master :o 9 pages to be exact.
Nothing was more scary then sending it, I wondered if he would read it...
But..After I sent it I suddenly became so worried, ughhh what if he doesnt like it or what if he won't read it..what if he is super mad at me..what if he thinks diffrently of me...so much things
Master said my place in heart was secure so I guess I felt a bit better but not that much :o
He hasent said anything about what I wrote...just hasent talked to me today
does that mean he doesn't accept it?
does that me he doesnt like me anymore?
or does that mean that I am just going crazy ~.~
He said he wants to focous more....
Focous without a kitty?
I've become so paranoid today *sighs* I guess i've never really shared 9 pages of typing with anyone..lots os spelling and grammar mistakes...incompplete sentences and commas in the wrong spots you know the typical :p
Master did not tell me about his roomate
I was so mad..
I was so hurt </3
Why is he hiding things about his life from me..
It's enough that I am a secret relationship, but now he doesnt even want to tell me about his life =/
At that momment..I felt like a fool....
I don't know Master i wonder what other "small" details he is hiding.. blah I felt so stupid..
When I got mad, I think master wanted to punnish me...
or maybe he wanted to dissown me..
maybe he wanted to make cry..
maybe he was going to tell me something mean..
but for whatever reason he did not tell me.. I wonder what it was....
I decided affter maybe an hour not to get mad about the roomate its his life if he doesnt want to tell me that he shouldnt be forced..since it wasnt "important" should I be concerened about it..?
If I had a roomate and never told him I wonder how Master would react..
Oh yea, I have a roomate she isn't importanat so I never told you..
I think Master would implode..
Today something shocking happened :o
I was skyping with Mark
an annoying, overly horny genious! he got a perfect score on this test woah..
Anywaysss he skyped me so I just put on a tshirt, and short and put my hair up ^_^
I looked cute I think the shirt really made me look angelic <3 It was just a new white shirt hehe
I GOT THE BEST SKYPE SETTTING <3 <3 <3 MY PICTURES LOOKS GREAT YAYYYYYYY MASTER NEEDS TO SKYPE ME ASAPZ!
BUT back to the story :O
I was just working on a math problem lalalala and then he was like
so Katie, I was on facebook and your relationship status is single
I was like... Uhh...Its complicated
then he said according to facebook your single *wink*
Blahh why does he make life complicated
then I said wanna see something cute?
He was like "ooo...."
then I switched screen to show him my boyfriend
I showed him this picture

Yep! IT'S ONEW!~

I showed him what my boyfriend sent me before he left for summer classes and then I asked him if he thinks he loves me? and went on about how he speaks cantonese and hes the cutest chinese boy ever!~~~ and, we are secretly dating! After that...Mark finished the math problem then he had to go...Ahhh I guess he didn't like onew =/ Mark is into chinese things/people like CRAZYY but hates Korean ^_^ or chinese people who speak catonese(wth) Did I lie to him about Master? I dont think so...Master sent me a picture just like this ^+^ a picture with his backpack and he smiles happily and we are dating secretly..I wasn't sure if it was ok to show Masters pictures to Mark..but ughh I don't really like this onew picture =/ Masters was soo like 12x more cute <3 but its ok Onew I still like you, just not as much as I like Master :)

After Mark left, I knew he wasn't coming back and I was kinda happy..I worked on studying by myself! I worked for 3 hours and 10 mins and that does not even include the essay! so really 3 hours and 35 mins... I worked on Math the whole time, I did really good by mself to be honest! I just have a few questios like Why is this answer xx but not yyy or Why can't I use XXX formula instead of YYY formula lol ^+^ I'm good...Maybe mark will come back lol

But, I decided before I write any more essays for Master I need to read! I am reading a book master recommended called Great Expectations I will read this book and base my essays off of this book :O ahhh..I hope master will be able to grade my essays with better score I should be done by tonight then I can write a blog about being limitless :) yayy...I hope master comes online tonight