Fangcholi

Me and master talked to around 4am..
Then I fell asleep and woke up at 7am
I have a total of 3 hours of sleep and I never felt any better!~
I'm not sleepy..even when I try to close my eyes..my eyes can't close!~
Master went to class today and asked me to call him in 3hrs to "wake up"
I already knew he wouldn't wake up in 3hrs
Maybe he just wanted to hear my voice to protect him from the monsters!~
When I blog I have a rule..I refuse to erase unless it is 100% needed
I want all my emotions..all my feelings to be here on this blog!
If I typed something that means my heart told me to so why should I erase?
being with master is intresting!
Master exposed some of his true feelings yesterday!
Feelings I did not even know exsisted...
How could I not see masters feelings?
Master said that..me and him we have a bond like his other friends
Not a strong bond like doug but something that simply can't be ignored
Master says he has the gift to heal people
I don't believe that though
I don't think that is his destiny
I also think that your destiny..nobody can pick it for you only your heart
If master destiny was to heal..why is he not a doctor?
If masters destiny was to heal..well why is he not a psych?
If master didn't quit his saint goals would he be one of these things..
But the real question is..is it really a gift?
If master had that gift maybe kitty would be healed?
Kitty heals by herself growing stronger...
When I play pokemon I always want my pokemon to win
But when you lose the battle you learn things also
You learn how to do better next time
Kitty is getting hurt by strangers but she will do better next time!
Kittys parents try to hurt her but she will use the pain as motivation!
Sometimes when I'm really bored..I imagine how great I will be at medicine!
I take every tear I cry and double it with motivation
If someone tells me I am not able to do something and I cry..
I will succeed for sure!
Right now I feel like having a party a big party!!
Because I accomplished something that people told me I could not do!
My gpa..Yea its a 4.0 so many people told me I could not do it
But When did I become someone with such great grades?
I wonder if I owe master an appology..
I guess I misunderstood all masters intentions from hiding me from his friends
I rather his friends look at me and be jealous
Jealous that master has a great kitty and he can sample others
On a 1-10 scale on kittys personality mm..I give myself 1000 :D
I'm 10k better then any other kitty!~~~ and in the future I hope to show everyone
Last night master told me his biggest secret..a secret I can relate to..
I wonder if that's why when I told master about ages he was able to relate a little?
Master told me his biggest secret
But I can't tell master my biggest secret never..
I'm scared that after I tell him he will run away
its not a small secret and it will come back to haunt me in the future
Would it be better to tell him or wait till it haunts me..
Master has gates on his heart..that comparison made me think of my heart
My heart is made simply
I guess deep down I'm a simple girl..
I have been a sub/slave/kajira.. for 5 years now..
I've had many masters!
Ranging in personalities usually..the hardcore rock master never lasts long since I rebel..
The soft kind hearted master always dates me
The overly horny master also always dates me..
The funny cute master I always make him fall for me!~
Ahh..I guess I can't help being a tease once in a while on cam :D

But one master had a combo of horny+rock+funny+soft..we lasted a while I was his sub then his slave then his kajira he was also..crazily in love with me :) it was a great great match we lasted about a year! I even had a slave name my name was Myra I hated my name it was so ugly -_- we ended because he went to iraq..after that I never spoke to him again he logged on and showed me his papers for iraq..I cried for so long..I was emotionally distraught its weird flipping on the news and hearing about bombins in iraq..although he promised to contact me he never did..
That's when I stopped being a slave and just tortured guys I was quite popular! I was known for my cbt..
CBTPrincess..or just CBTP that was me
That's when I started looking for a new Master I was half serious half joking..I wanted an Asian Master between a set age..I just flipped through pages messaging only cute Asian boys!~ Masters profile wasn't cute and it was boring so I skipped his profile after skipping I felt something weird? So I went back looked at his picture again..and then skipped again..after messaging everyone I was ready to log out but Masters profile picture was still lingering in my head I looked at the profile again..and then closed the page but later I felt weird I logged on again and viewed Masters profile again and decided to send something since I'm sick of looking at his creepy profile picture -_- when Master messaged me on instant messenger..I was not going to give him the time of day just bitch him out make him go away
But..that day I was lonely really lonely and Master was talking so he kept my company after the first skype call i knew I picked the right asian!~ but it wasn't till a month or two later that I realised that I picked a good Master
And it wasn't till a couple more months that he realised he picked a good slave :)
The weirdest thing about our relationship is not how we met though..but I am still here
Master doesn't give out much attention and he is not the best at comforting me..and sometimes he's crazy crazy enough for me to scream ahghhh I hate master!~! But I don't hate him honestly usually in the past when faced with harships I would take a "break" or just curse them out untill I'm dissowned -_- so far up untill now..there has not been a master able to control my other personality..that's a crazy mean bitch :p
I have came across way to many bumps with Master and when I feel like quitting..
I can't...my heart won't allow me too because honestly I want to be right here with master even if I'm in some pain some people say listen to your heart? So I will listen to my heart honestly
And my heart says..To try my best to give Master happiness don't quit,don't lie and don't hold back
Because of this..I always say yes to wanting to be a slave and I will have to keep saying yes till my heart says no!~

Dark courage!~

Whenever I'm sad I still can't let him know
Whenever it feels like I'm in lots of pain I try to be alone
Master has asked me many many times
Do you want to be a slave?
But it feels he is not asking the correct question
Master should be asking kitty..
"Am I the right master for you'
I ask myself this question often maybe once or twice a day
The answers varies
Do I want to be with this kind of man..
I like master I like him a lot honestly!
But what if I don't want someone that will hurt me so much..
Someone without any regard of me..
Someone...who claims in the future will think more of me..
Doesn't master think about my feelings?
Does my feelings become invalid because I am a slave???
Master says we will be 70% bdsm and 30% oppa..
Will I be happy with a 30% oppa..
Will I be happy not going to movies and going bike riding as dates?
But instead being whipped,chained and gagged
Master said he told some friends about me..
I became so excited I just giggled and laughed yayy..
But then I thought about it again..and its not true
Master is lying somewhere..he is hiding some parts from his friend...
How could I even imagine that master is legit..
To Master I'm a slave that he loves deeply but can't show her..
Somehow just somehow I feel like I'm being picked last for vollyball
As kitty read he only told his friends about me willing to let him fuck others
I should have guesse it why would he even want to tell his friends about me personally :/ I'm not masters style,tate or age.
Everytime Master does this do me.I ask myself how badly do I want to do this?
Bad enough to give up everything for someone like Master...?
Bad enough to be hiden in the dark for 2 more years?
I want to do this so badly! But it seems everytime master makes me cry
I secretly think my want to please master decreeses...
How could he hurt his slave?how could he let others hurt me?
Am I that unimportant to be able to casually get hurt....
When I watch dramas it makes me crave that i have an oppa..
It also makes me wonder what I will do if someone treats me the way my oppa should?
What will I do if someone protects me when I'm hurt?
Hawaii has protected me while we were friends...
He gave more protection that master has
The one feeling I crave the most out of a bdsm relationship I am not getting

Soo like..I just recorded this sexual tape thingy for master!~
I originally made it 10mins but since I send via phone it woulnt let me email
Soo whatevers...
I did a 3min quickie it was sexy I..Guess
I don't watch many sex pornos..soo idk if my moaning sounds normal?
What if my moaning sounds rlly creepy anddd not like moaning o.o
Ahhh I hope I don't humiliate master ~_~
I wrote on my other blog what I was imagining while doing my 3min quikkie
But eh..I wrote using "good" grammar..yea so it means my grammar sucked xD
I used commas and periods but I still feel like maybe roxx is a grammar natzi
Not that roxx might read it? Just in case he reads I want to look like I'm not like idk like age 5
Did I just use the word like 4 times xD oh gosh ok no more saying like for a looong time!~
I want to like talk to roxx?
Master never let's me talk to his friends ~_~
He's just jealous because his friends will fall in love with me!~~~~~~~~
Everyone I talk to online falls in love with me :D
Soo..like master is gonna go to hello kitty hell when he dies
:/ I wonder if master is scared of hello kitty hell...
I'm going to hello kitty heaven because I like hello kitty :D
When I think I have nothing to blog about I always find something ahahaha
Master says he went on cm with no hope of finding a slave
I went on cm with no hope of finding a sane master
Nobody on cm is sane xD
Even I'm not sane!~~~ haha jkjk I'm sane
I wonder if roxx likes bento boxs..
So like yesterday I like (ughh no more likes)
Yesterday I made pokemon character matches for all masters friends!~
But I never made one for roxx..
I need a pokemon that's cool but crazy...
He's not cool enough for pikachu :p
Secretly I'm already pikachu xD
Ok I know I can't have 4 pokemon matches -_- but I must!!!
I want all the cute pokemons!
Ok roxx is a pokeball :p haha
Jkjk roxx is...bulbasaur!!~
Actually I don't like bulbasaur..such a useless pokemon -_- so is mudkips
But whatever roxx is bulbasaur :D
Ahh the pokemon family is almost complete!~
I'm not weird for making pokemon faimlys!~
I'm just bored?really really really bored?
Bored enough to actually study but not bored enough to read grammar books like I should
So I've been pondering a question for a bit..so I'm going to make you ponder on it also!~

If there was a drug invented that made you live until you were 1000 years old with a mind and body of a thiry year old in perfect health but the only side effect is that you will be ugly extremly ugly not correctable by any surgeries..would you take the drug?

Last day

Today at the mall..
I saw a interacial chinese couple?
And it reminded me of me and master...
It looked really beautiful..the girl called him oppa and hugged him tightly:)
Soo cute
My parents were shocked to see this :o
And made chinese jokes -_-
Lamee...chinese jokes are sooo lame..
They told me that they know ill never have a chinese boyfriend
And I just laughed :D
I already have a chinese boyfriend!~~~~~
Heheh and I don't care what anyone says he's my master forever!~
Itl be really weird when master cheats but I still continue the relationship
But its not cheating if I allow it?
So its more like sampling!
Master enjoys sampling other flavors of girls..
And I'm ok with samples :)
Its weird? How am I so ok with samples?
Was this a fetish I had and did not know?
or do I love him enough to allow samples?
I want to dig deeper to find the answers to why sampling is ok
My parents like master live in fear
My parents fear everything and anything
They fear that because of their gender or race they won't be socially accepted
Because of this fear they don't have any friends..they have convinced themselves that the only friends they need are from their hometown..so they avoid neighbors at all costs..and do not approve of social events for me to attend
My parents fear that I will be a kinaped and become a sex slave in china.*sighs* I have nothing to say regarding this because it is pure crazyness
They fear of letting go to things they love
They fear koreans..(yeah even onew...) are all koreans bad? My dad has a strange unknown fear of koreans..
My parents even fear me xD simply because I always tend to outsmart them..if they punnish me I have a loophole if they tell me I can't do something I always find a way if they tell me they don't have enough money for something I always find a way my parents they always argue about who will punnish me tehehehe :D am I really smarter then my parents or am I just thinking more logical? Maybe I just never give up..I think my perserving spirit can be seen with Master right now :D gone through soo much bs an I'm still here!
But the real question to living in fear is
because I'm "fearless" does that make me less equipt to go across the country to college..
Or does that make me more equipt to handle situations compared to my parents who hide and run?
Master says he lives in fear I hope with me he can live a life more carefree
Master has random mood depressions..I hope to be that girl who will always cheer him up
I hope to be his kitty the perfect kitty that only exsists in his nonexsistant dreams
I want to try my best in the future to be this perfect kitty

Fishy

Master is not my oppa..
Its just a name he accepts but he does not accept the powers or benefits of an oppa
Its just a name to him
Today I wrote a message a long personal message...
I put masters email in. The box ready to send
But then I thought about it..he's not my oppa he doesn't want to hear about this
I did not thrash the email yet maybe ill send it to someone else xD
Its a bit hard getting used to the idea that no matter what master will be the last person I turn to..
He was always the first person so I feel a bit alone now I guess?
Master got mad when I seeked strangers for advice..
But does this mean I can ask strangers for advice now?
If its not bdsm related..I prob won't tell master
That is the mindset I am conditioning myself into..
It is going good so far I am pleased by my progress with conditioning
I hope that master is also pleased with conditioning
Yes he will learn less about me..and I guess maybe he will be the last to learn..
Would he be mad when everyone knows why kitty is upset?
Would he be sad when everyone knows why kitty is crying?
Would he be happy to know as a master he is being treated the way he deserves..
So many thoughts fluttering around
I just want to be the best slave I can be..

Yellow fever!

So like..some people say..don't go to college with a boyfriend..
And I never really understood why?
But I'm cool I'm not going to college with a boyfriend I'm going to college with a MASTER
Which I guess is even worse XD since masters are so controlling ugh ~_~ loljkjk
I want to do dragonboatracing as my sport or quidditch (yea..its from harrypotter)
I was looking for a sport after giving up my cheerleading dreams once again ZD
And I found dragonboatracing!
Its perfect the team I want to go on everyone is asian and mostly guys!~
Hot asian korean guys shirtless...rowing this dragon boat
Mega drool!~~~~~~~~~~
Ahh~~ I want to be on this team!
But I was a little bit worried because everyone is asian...would they want a nonasian on the team?
But its impossiable for this all asian team to not want me on the team as long as I have skill?
Looking at pictures from past years they never had a non asian person on the team since the team started
It startedd with a bunch of friends from china wanting to do dragonboat and then it turned into a club..
Maybe nobody nonasian every tried out for the team?
Thinking about joining the team I was a bit nervous to be honest
But then I rememberd oppa!~
Oppa and all his family is asian :p if I can't fit in and be comfy with this all asian team then ill never fit in with oppa xD
My biggest worry is..fangirling *sighs*
Its been so long since I've fangirled over an asian that's not oppa or connected to oppa
Like maybe ill listen to kpop the video is cute and lyrics are cute then mega fangirl!~ because I imagine master is telling me all my emotions in this song..
You know like..the first time you eat GOOD chowmein and its amazing and then you go somewhere else and eat chowmein and its not the same so you don't like it?
I think that's the relationship I will have with Masters cock..xD (yes! I compared cock and chowmein)
I think I will get addicted to sucking his cock..
If my friends tell me that oppa is cheating on me because I allow him too..
What should I say?
"Yes I know,thanks"
"Oh.."
"Yea its my fetish"
"Really???"
"Ok..ill talk to him"
"Your dreaming"
XD lol master is paranoid about what others think of him I wonder...
Do you know that feeling where it feels like your floating?
Well I'm floating...
Just blogging,wanting to suck cock,wondering who master will fuck...and wondering my sanity :p
Master is the kinda master that's not always there for me..
And I'm the kinda slave that's always there for him
But master is the kinda guy who will never tell me if somethings wrong
And I'm the kinda girl who won't ask..
Does that mean we have communication troubles..
I think master is MOST sexy when he is being assertive..
Omg SOOO HOT
He was really sexy when he was hurting my feelins also on the day I asked
Mmm maybe that's why it took so long for my heart to break
Soo hot..I love when master says "no."
Its like no and its final!
Ahhh so hot
Or when he says "Kitty obey."
Ahhhh I just obey instantly!
Master is not really assertive often..
But if he WAS then I think I would be like clay in his hands bc he's soo hot I melt!~~~
I really wish I could stop switching subjects during blogging..
But switching subjects is kittys style!
If I didn't blog while switching the subject 10times then does that make this blog kitty?
It completly erases my personality!
And makes me almost robotic and boring...
Don't you think?
When my master askes me to write legit things I get a bit sad..
Master is going on a plane again this Monday..yayyy!~
And I start diet plan Tuesday...
This plane trip..I want to make a special plane thing..!~
Master said..that no matter what I must continue my plane traditions :)
I'm so happy master wants me to continue
I love writing it for master
I love the cornyness...
I love the pictures I takee :D :D hahah epicly cute maybe creepy?
But that's what the email is..it must be cute,creepy,corny and awkward :D
because the goal is to get a smile!
I think master likes my poems the bestest!~
If bestest was a word..I bet id use it everyday!
But its not a word and I still use it often mm...:D
If master was like mathproblems..I think I would do him alll day long!~
Master takes foreverr to do job applications!~
Kitty wishes she was a job application so master could do her forever

Happiness= Expectations/reality

Some guys when they want to say I love you to their girlfriend they buy them gifts and make them dinner...
In my special cases..master won't say I love you kitty and buy me gifts *coug* christmas *cough*
instead I have came to accept and appreciate my master special way of I love you
His special way consists of hurting me maybe hurting me so much I cry
The more he hurts me the more he loves me
This is the say the least CRAZY
My master is CRAZY
He loves me so he will hurt me?
He loves me soo much so he will hurt me more???
It is hard to understand and I doubt that he will find someone who would be ok with this hurt=love
But for some reason I'm ok with this hurt=love
I always wondered how much master loves me..and in the future I will know
I will know by the ammount of times I cry and my heart breaks
Is it weird to look FORWARD to master expressing his love towards me?
Is it selfish to say that I want to feel masters love!~
Lots of masters love..which means lots of pain?
Before I accepted pain because it made master happy
But now I understand pain as a way for master to say kitty I love you
Should I concider geting a sanity check with master xD
We are both insane..
But who is more sane?
Me who will enjoy the pain? Or master who wants to show kitty his love?
Master was so happy today he was soo..happy and messaging and laughing
He called me but told me not to talk as he said I love you and kiss me :D I felt so special..
Master kissing me and saying I love you :)
Master says he loves me more and more every passing day!!!!!!!!
Omgomgomgomgomg :D Master love for me increases..even though I'm not special
When master fucks other girls..they better be hotter then me!~

Spicy hot wings!~

Sooo Me and Master are good again @__@
NO MORE I hate you master RAWRZ
actually yesterday I was really concidering leaving master
not because he sucks but because I was confused about the relationship
In my head..I imagined life with master like this
7AM: Prepare bentobox for master getting it ready for him to take to work
8AM: Prepare Masters work clothing like suit etc.whatevers
9AM: Prepare breakfest making it sit hot but NOT burn
10AM: Awake Master by BJ or by cuteness overload whichever he peffers
11AM: Give Master breakfest and his bento box and give him a kiss goodbye!~
12PM-5:30PM:Do studying for college go to class or just clean whatevers..
6PM:prepare dinner
7PM: Kneel at door nude and collard waiting for Masster for master to come home
8PM: Clean Up after dinner etc.
9PM: Watch asian drama episode :)
10PM: Master and kitty showers together
11PM: Bubble bath yayy!~~ soft sex
12Pm: More sex HARD CORE!
1AM: Master sleeps
1:30AM: Make bento box for master
2AM: SLEEP
and then repeat!~

Yea..Pretty awesome :) maybe too much sex?
so like me and Master will watch ONE asian drama a month :)
So every week we will watch one or two episodes of a drama after dinner
isnt that so cute *giggles*
but master told me my picture of life is not accurate
I didnt understand..my picture was so gentle and cute!~
but master said the actual life together will be much more harsh..
less cute sex MORE hardcore painful fast hard sex...
Less Love more serving..
Master doesnt want to be my oppa =[
he just isnt being direct
he is just settling to be my oppa
its not like the dramas =I
Is life supposed to be CLOSE to a drama?
Master says he loves me and I am really special to him blah blah
but then he told me if I was a sub then he wouldnt want me at all and we would break up
I felt so sad after he said that..He didnt love me I was tricked into thinking that this asian guy well he really likes me even if I am not usually his type..but the truth is he loves me for what I can offer and not for who I am as a person
Will I believe him the next time he says I love you?
Will my heart still flutter when he says I love you
Will I still look at the stars knowing someone loves me for me?
Or will I look at the stars knowing someone loves me for being HIS slave
I am lucky to have found a cute,smart,educated,funny(ish) master who loves his slave But I fell on the unlucky side when I started to like this cute,smart,educated,funny(ish) Master
Now that I really Like this Master as a person and also as a master I decided I did not want to leave master!~ So I decided to just accept the fate as his slave I wonder where it will take me I wonder how much fun it will be..I wonder if I will miss having an oppa...

BWAHH =[

I need chow mein
lots of chow mein...
chow mein..my favoirate comfort food
I need so much comfort now..
well I am being comforted but its not my master
no its by guys who wish they could be my master -_-
how twisted..
I got accused of cheating on a test that I Worked really hard on
and after she said I was cheating I cried so hard
the first person I called was master
but then I thought would master want to talk to me?
I was right master was not going to talk to me for a few hours
he said I could tell him via txt..
his comfort words consisted of icic and really?
I felt like I was talking to a computer
the computer wont make me feel any better
icic doesnt offer anything to the conversation nor help me feel better
Yes master helped me not be pissed at the teacher now I was pissed at master ~_~
I first was really understanding why master couldnt call me im always understanding
then I thought about the last time master was actually there for me..
although it is rare for me to actually want master
Master has been there for me a few times it would be a lie to say he was NEVER there
master will say to me.."kitty your not psychological ready for this"
is it me who is not psychological ready?
or master who is unable to have relationships @_@
If master gave me-one- just -one- REASON why I should not be mad or dissapointed in him in his overall role as Boyfriend Or as his role as a Master I wont be dissapointed in Master..
but I am dissapointed really dissapointed
some days are relationships are AMAZING
other days master fucks up so much
and some days kitty fucks up too -_-
idk anymore..its normal but its also normal to count on your master the most!!~
I suggusted me and master take a "break"
but then I thought about it more..if i took a break I prob wont come back to being his kitty
not because master sucks..but because everyone will take the opportunity to steal me away and Lie to me about how much awesomer they are then master
its sad but true?
although I am like RAWRR FUCK FUCK SHIT SHIT BLAHH at the end of the day I still love master and I still want to be his kitty...*sighs* am i even sane? XD
just one thing I am sure of Is that I wont cry any more tears of oppa

Thai(ish)

Today was an intresting day!~~
I like talking to people other then my master with bdsm intrests
They remind me of how awesome I am :D
Master rarely gives out compliments and he only says thanks when he means it?
So I guess it makes his compliments 10x more special in my heart..
I had an ex every day every minute and every second he would call me beautiful
It was amazing at first
I was always beautiful rain or shine..
I've had a lot of exs like that :D always beautiful...
Today this 45ish? Year old guy attempted to seduce me? (Yea he's married!)
It was intresting to say the least
He called me beautiful and clever and funny and a great personality!~
The same time he said that master was being a spelling natzi (~_~) fail...
So I guess master counter acted how smart I felt (lameee!~~)
Well in fact this guy did not want to date me but instead rent me as his slave..
Nothing in real life due to his wife
Nothing too intense due to his wife
And I get paid for this!
He wanted to pay me $100 a month!
But I'm no cheap whore nor am I stupid ( -_-)
I made him increase the price to $200
With ATLEAST $50 increase monthly if he is happy (which he will be)
The money I earn I am putting in master and I bank..
The money will cover applying to uc schools ($120)
And cover our 11/11/11 adventure!~
And the rest will be for boobies!~
Pretty good plan in my opinion..everything is going towards the future
I'm not whoring out for pretty clothes or pretty jewlery
Its for the future of me and Masters..
Maybe if master needs the money to stay in the usa I could give it to him :D
I'm not sure how visas work to be honest..xD but I hope this guy is legit
So me and master can start this!
I want master to be in control of the money..
Is that weird? I am whoring myself out but I want master to control it?
He is an accounting ex major xD so he knows best I hope he agrees to control it!~
This renting kitty out is a bit weird..
He wants to rent me but feel like he is not renting?
He doesn't want to see or hear or read about my master
I told him that this is fine but if he does not pay up he will hear from my master
So..I kinda told him my master is a lawyer..its not a lie
My master writes and talks like a lawyer
He read up on laws online and understands
Actually I think that if I fail the mcat ill try the lsat
And if I fail both..well I guess ill study business :p
When all else fails study business rofl xD
As a kitty the one thing I want from my master is to feel protected
On a 1 to 10 scale the amount of protection I feel is around a 4ish
Master gets low score for protection..
Rawrr does not protect broken hearts -_- and lost friendships
I feel protected when real danger comes to take me away from master
But not a casual sense of protection?
Thinking back..the modeling idea was a BAD IDEA if I had continued
I think I would have been hurt so badly emotionally and maybe physically?
But it was ok for master..with small conditions
If I counted the ammount of times someone on collarme made me cry
I would lose count too much...wayyy too much..
Sometimes I wonder if master knew this person would hurt me?
Hawaii ranks high on the cm hurt list
I have been hurt and abused by him in so many ways @_@
But...even those he hurts me I still WANT to be friends with him
And the process continues..
I don't like crying over anyone that is not master
Its not right why does he want me to cry
Is he crazy?
Why is it that when I get hurt my master just says rawwr?
rawr I love you don't cry?
Or rawrrr your such a stupid girl
Master has the best intrest for me because he loves me?
Maybe he wants to give me freedom to explore and expand and not hate him
But ugh I hate being hurt its not just hawaii
Its logging on to messenger with pure HATE
Hate because I won't show boobies
Hate because I have a boyfriend
Hate because i won't date you
Hate because I won't submit to you
Everyone on messenger hates me :/
So sad...
I think I will delete my cm profile enough hate I'm done
If I do go back to cm maybe my name will be like permenentlyowned xD

I am really scared that master will look at me
And not see kitty
But see someone else..
When he looks at me he will see his true love his x
And I will look at master and see that he doesn't see kitty..
Maybe every girl has that fear deep down?
I have horrable dreams of master...
Crazy dreams
Humiliating dreams..
Funny dreams :D
I dream of master so much that its crazy!~
He's all I dream of
I bet if master had real dreams he would dream of me..

Today I cried a lot..
Just listening to songs!~
Why am I so emotional to songs
I imagine master is singing me these beautiful love songs in korean
Although I know he can't sing korean..
I think the first guy that sings me a korean love song will win my heart over
Which is why I never let guys sing me korean love songs..
I don't want anyone to have my heart but master!~
Master has my heart with or without korean love songs
I guess korean love songs are just tricks to win me over
Master doesn't need tricks he has a slave bound to him forever!~

When I first met master he gave me a fresh breeze of asianness :p
Loljk he gave me annoying long long long typing of long bdsm things
But it did not matter because I was heads over heels in love!~
In love no matter what he said..
And here I am in love no matter who he is :p
But one thing thing changedy
I see master as himself not as someone close to onew
I don't even put onew and master in the same sentence
I love Master he's my oppa :D
I like onew he is cute
But onew is NOT my oppa anymore!~~

My master really wants to live in cali..
So I guess I will have to live in cali :p
I know my master won't be happy anywhere else :D
I liked going to cali school when I was single and without a master
But now that I have my own asian master is a cali school reallly important?
:p master won't even allow me to dorm with guys!~
Me and 4 asian guys = fun!+kareoke! Yayyyyy
Let's just see...
Studying in summer sucks I only managed to study for 2hrs today I was aiming for 3
But ugh head hurts my brain is pouning with formulas and triangles
Master takes breaks when he studies but I can't break..xD that's why I did not make it to 3hrs

My master picked out an awesome computer for me!
But my brother says not enough space..
So my dad is like no -_- you need more space since ur brother said so
Is it reallly not enough space
Or is my brother jealous?
So..while searching for more space I found the dr.dre laptop! Omg I'm in love!!
Its sleek and hot and expensive and ahhhhh amazing!~~
Its so stylish sooo me!
And sound is good so I can watch asian dramas!
So the question comes down to..how big is a 14inch xD am I willing to go from 17in to 14inc
I will most likley get masters computer because master likes it..but it looks awkward compare to dr.dre
But if oppa says its good for me he knows best!~
The days fly by its Saturday I thought it was wensday..
Where am I?
Oh yea I'm stuck behind sat prep books

Explode!~~

Sacrifices
I blog about sacrifices so much that it kinda feels like i am repeating myself
but master has requested that I blog about sacrifices so here i am :D
I like pleasing master and making master make choices for me
I am generally a strong willed kinda girl so its kinda weird?
having master chose my friends and how long i will talk to them
but whenever I do obey master a part of my heart gets a little warm and fuzzy?
like yayy master wants ME to sacrifice something for him because he loves me
I take the sacrifices that I have to expirence as love
because master loves me he wants me to sacrifice something for him
its a weird way to express love but my master is a weird kinda guy
some girls know that they are loved by their boyfriend or master when he says I love you
but i Feel loved when my master demands me to sacrifice something?
but then you come to the question..are you willing to sacrifice ANYTHING for this guy?
sometimes I ask myself this many many many times am i REALLY willing to sacrifice anything for this master?
and i think about it shortly and I think if it will make my master happy shouldnt it be my job to do what makes him happy?
I personally feel like I do an average job at making Master happy I could improve in certain aspects.
but I am just starting out and I have plenty of time to be what master desires and to make my master happy
not all sacrifices are as easy
but all sacrifices make my master happy
since it will make him happy I am entitled to do it
I already sacrificed so much for my master
a small hint of what is to come in our future many more sacrifices
talking to master many times I feel like a child
easily able to adapt to whatever master likes
and as soon as master hates it I begin to hate things also
a little child with a soft brain to mold :D
and a bigger heart to love and give to people
to master I am prob a child..
a young girl who loves asian things and loves onew
if master told me to stop listening to onew would I?

You!~

IToday I am in love
Today I can't help but smile..
It feels like my heart has stopped!~
I just imagine master and giggle and bite my lips with a big smile :D
I giggle and smile so much I swear I think I might lose my breath!~
My master..is the best!~~
I want to love master forever!~ untill I am old and I fall down a little..xD
But its ok by the time I am that old master will be super old also!~ old and fragile together?
Years from now will master be too old to give me a nice spanking?
I want to give my everything to master for ever..
Happily giving myself to master..happily being masters happily giving master everything!~
Last night or maybe around 3am? I was looking at the stars or maybe the planes? And imagined how great it would be to give my everything to master..I hope I can give it to him
Ahh!~today I feel such happiness...
When I am kitty..I feel so happy...I hope I can be kitty forever!~~
Master wants me to get to know nicole..my "other" personality
But honnestly I don't want to explore..deep dark things lies in nicole
I just want to happily give up things for my master!~
I won't have any possesions how can I be happy?
And I might be whored out...
But I still imagine my life quite happy
Yesterday I cummed a lot..
I cummed to something on imagefap
I cummed to pictures of girls my master likes..
Yesterday hawaii asked me a question..
Would you rather love someone far away who craves to see you or love someone close by who doesn't care about seeing you?
Just a random question..to pondder on I wonder which master will pick I hope he choses the far away one because I crave to see him...
If you read this post and then my last post do you feel diffrent moods?
I have so much questions to ask myself
So much questions to ask master
But I will take it slow :D
Slowly exposing myself for master...

butterfly

This week i got asked to be someones girlfriend 3 times!
Yaaay! I feel like a blossoming flower...
Slowly getting prettier and prettier to the those aroun me :D
Unfortunatly I had to decline all offers to date these guys because I am taken by master
Well we are taken but not taken..
In most technical terms I'm free to date because me and master are not really dating..xD but in reality me and master have a boyfriend girlfriend relationship since I started calling him oppa :D
Yes oppa!~ No oppa!~~ :( it feels like I'm saying Yes boyfriend No boyfriend XD
One of the guys who asked me out said its impossiable that I'm dating master since its not on facebook lol
Facebook makes a relationship legit..xd
Me and master are so complex
Master does not want me to worry about a tittle but it becomes hard when I'm being pressured to accept tittles from womeone else xD lol
If facebook makes relationship legit are me and master not legit?
I won't be on masters facebook for many years..does that make me less of his kitty? I don't understand facebook world
Its so complicated...
I'm happy guys like me but sad that they took so long to discover I am beautiful :D
Maybe master was the first to discover the early bird gets the worm!~?

Wicked

Yayy finals is over and I am just chillazing I should be studying for my standard testing but I am not quite sure how long I should study for...I have about 5 HUGE textbooks to study out of and I do hope to complete all 5 textbooks by the end of summer xD its a little bit like mm...is it possiable too study too much? But I Reallly want to be prepared and not expirence many surprices on the test Master said he willl not accept any low scores my scores have to be in the top 10% which is a pretty high goal for me since I am just an average student getting average grades..
but master would not have set high goals for me if he knew I was not able to do it :)

I recently started communicating again with the boy from hawaii I originally thought that he would hate me and our conversation would be really weird and I was rightish Our converrsation was quite awkward but he did not hate me and wanted to continue a friendship based relationship with me! I am so excited yayy! I like making friends on CM but a part of me feels like master is scared of the people on cm almost like he can not trust his ability as a master..I am not quite sure why I feel that way whenever I mention my friends to Master..Master has restricted my talking time to hawaii to 9hrs talking+typing thinking about it seemed a bit cruel to restrict typing+talking time mostly because I am always always always online XD LOL but 9hrs is about the time I talk to master..maybe a little less or a little more depending on the week i think master chose the ammount of hrs I can talk to hawaii based on the ammount of time I avergly talk to Master because he does not want someone to talk to me longeer then him in fear of it could create emotional bonds? Maybe my theory is completly wrong
but it does not really matter because whatever master wants I quickly listen and do what is requested!~~

Master says he thinks he is ready to love someone
he thinks he is ready to love kitty
for christmas Oppa told me he loved me :D (Thanks santa!~)
And then for my birthday ^_^ Oppa told me is ready to start loving me!~
ahh Oppa is the best always giving me what I truly want Most
I hope master can love me
sometimes late at night I worry that I wont be able to receive masters love
because I am not like every girl Master has dated..
yea..I guess I am kinda like his X from high school..
but idk..Maybe oppas mom wont like me because I cant dance
and then Oppas brother wont like me because I cant understand his programming knowlodge because my knowlodge is outdated and old..
and masters dad +Grandma wont like me because I am not asian XD
and after i am done worrying about allll this!~ I think to myself
I love oppa+ Oppa loves me + I am a cute little kitty!~ = Everyone is forced to love kitty :D
I guess my math skills need a bit of work...
I Missed oppa last night so I sent him a cute little text I wondered if Oppa smiled knowing someone misseed him
Everyday Master gets hotter and hotter..I wish I was getting prettier everyday
all my cm friends think I am pretty but to master I am average sometimes its a bit discouraging being average to nmaster but like amazingly beautiful to everyone else!~
I got a job offer to be a erotic model..Selling my body for money
Money that I really really really need because my parents are dick heads
Master says not to sell my pictures
a couple pictures or two wont hurt anyone
It seems safe,the money is good and it could be fun?
Master gets the last say in whatever I do
it feels weird putting all my eggs in masters basket!~
But I like it..I like it a lot trusting Master with all mny heartw

!~

I wonder if Master always believed in happiness..
I wonder if master thinks the world is mostly black and white..
so much questions I want to ask Master
I ask master questions all day long but still I dont know enough stil I have more questions.. stupid questions,weird questions,hypothetical questions and who can forget kidnapping questions! I think as long as I am with master maybe my questions will never stop...
Master is thinking heavily about being a tranny at this point I guess I SHOULD be crying and wondering why my master wants to be a tranny..But I personally dont care what master is girl or boy penis or pussy xD it really does not matter
I am 100% legit does having a pussy make him a bad person?
Does dressing like a girl make him weird???
Master just wants to be happy whats wrong with seeking happiness..
I just want master to be happy with me happily living even if we are not the richest couple we MUST be the happiest couple :) the happiest master and the happiest slave
We must be happy because we found our perfect match the master that loves his slave no matter what happens and the slave that loves her master to the point she goes crazy!~~ ahaha
I wonder if master was scared asking how I felt about trannys
maybe Master was not scared because he knew in his heart that I would love him no matter what
I am jealous of master how did he pick such a good slave whats his trick?
In my heart...
Master is not the hottest guy I know..
he doesnt have super powers like onew!~
but in my heart, master is my Oppa
and my Oppa has the best spot in my heart
I will serve my Master,my Oppa for a long time
Giving happiness to his life
Bringing him more smilies
And bigger boobies for his joy and ammusment
I love my Master

inspiration

Kitty is inspired by Love,more specificly my love for master, love makes me want to give up more limits,volunteer more,wear sexier clothes andd give up everything I own to Master.Master is a special boy and my relationship with him started with one sided love or maybe you can call it one sided obsession?.Basing my relationship on love, I was able to see masters gentle sides,masters scary sides and many more.Soon I felt myself wanting or maybe craving to see master smile or hear master laugh and before I knew it I was sucked into this bdsm relationship.A relationship where I wanted to go through all ends to ensure Master is always happy,even if it ment having some pain or losing a friend or two.I wanted to do it for my master happiness because he deserves happiness and I want to play a special role in it.Master says I am not allowed to have any wants but all I want is Masters happiness not any extreme bdsm fantasy or requests.Even if I was not in a bdsm relationship and we met at starbucks or at the librabry I think I would still be going out of my way to make him happy.a week ago I posted a new updated list not that a list matters because I would be willing to do everything on the list but it made me happy seeing the changes and sacrifices I was willing to go through for master.Just reflecing on the hardships I had to overcome to be with master makes me feel so happy.Master has a special kitty that loves him beyond words a special kitty that wants to offer her special love to Master.

Hawaii

Yesterday I asked master to give me pain as much as he could until I could not handle it anymore and break it takes a lot to make me cry so I did not cry but I felt my heart break over and over and over again..just what I wanted and when I felt like I could not have my heart broken anymore I still continued until I felt like I could not handle it...it hurt...I was so jealous and so hurt...but it felt good to feel hurt to compensate for the hearts I have broken I think master was being easy on me but I wish he did not..I never went easy on my friends I met on cm.I have to stop talking to hawaii he does not like thhe idea of me having owned by master on my profile and when I signed up to be masters slave I said that would be one of the things I did a part of me just wants to delete my profile and continue me and hawaiis friendship I like being his friend I was so lonely late at night when master was always with his friends..hawaii took the lonlieness out of my life he actually liked talking to me..nobody likes talking to me...I think when I put owned by master back on my profile I will cry a lot I will cry so much tears because I will be alone again...master says I will find more friends but I want this friend I like this friend..being with master hurts so much...how many people did I have to hurt to get closer to master?how many times have I found someone to take away the lonliness...in the end all of this will be worth it but what if I dont make it to the end? Does that mean all the hearts I have broken I have broken in vain?