Wahzzz Broke upz!

To have someone give you control of their body and minds, to be entrusted with the responcability to take care of them, to have someone willing to suffer for you, who forsakes pride and dignity to please you...what other gift in this world can possiably equate to that? And more importantly why do you have the opportunity to be with this slave?

This quote really shows my way of thinking more then anything. I left master on friday we broke up for about four of maybe five hours? I keep thinking about that time, i'm not sure why I keep thinking about it. At the time I felt I was useless, continuing in this relationship is fruitless and will ,only lead to certain unhappiness for my Master. He was far from happy with me, and I was unhappy It went to such an extent I can't believe how unhappy he was...but what really pushed me OVER the edge to break up was master kept saying I was capping his happiness. I wasn't giving up myself to the fullest. The way he said it and kept repeating that he is unhappy just made me think oh wow he does NOT appreciate this relationship at all. Having a slave is a gift, but the thing with this gift is that normal gifts are yours forever. Slaves are not obligated to stay with you forever, I feel I want to be with a Master who treats me as a slave denying me of my rights and using me to the fullest, but I also want to know that at the end of the day my Master appreciates me and he is glad to be with me. That night I felt 1. Master does not love me anymore 2. Master does not appreciate his slave and 3. Master is not happy with the current relationship. Master wishes for me to give up katie things such as expecting him to say jyio and onew singings etc. IDK a part of me feels really sad about having to let go of these things, but whenever I get messages on CM I wonder..Do I have to give up katie for this person? This week I am expirementing with the ideals of giving up Katie and being more kitty, ut increasingly I don't know if I like it? It feels robotic and less personal. Today I got a email with a picture, I said megacute..but Instantly I felt obligated to type sorry. Sorry for caring, sorry for smiling, sorry for loving your picture. Ahzz I don't like being sorry..... I don't like being screamed at for caring I dont understand..how can you dragonz at people who care? how can I just FORGET a part of me? what If I don't want to continue.. what if when I don't want to continue master won't let me go? I don't know what the future holds, but I know by christmas day I will know. Although, Christmas is our aniversary I feel by christmas I will know if i wish to continue in this relationship... Master does not celebrate christmas and he also does not celebrate our Aniver.. so breaking up that day..does he even care? I certinally want to start the year with a clear head. A clear head knowing I am kitty and I belong here.. or a clear head optimistic about the future with another master what the future holds for us is quite unsure, but any choice we make I am sure that we will be happy.