Strong

I used to think
I'm not strong enough
I don't have the body for it
I like pasta too much
But now 25 pounds into my weightloss goals, I understand that those were all lies. I was always strong enough, I've always had the body for it ! The only thing I was lacking was wanting it. Wanting to have the body of a fuckmeat the body of a whore, the body of a cuckquean the body that master wants me to have. I'm 60+ pounds away from that ideal, but 60 pounds doesn't seem too far away now. I had a food cheat meal last night, I did not enjoy it. My body felt like I was eating crap, and I felt sluggish even my favorite soda didn't feel reviving and fresh, just felt subpar. That just shows me that I have what it takes to be masters ideal. I'm getting a reward when I lose another 8lbd! I'll be at 170!~ bc it'll be total 33 pounds a number you might hear on a infomercial lol I lost 33 pounds with xyz lol. Master will buy my $40 of art supplies! I love art

I've been thinking a lot about fucking I' was numb every time master fucked me I guess you can say I don't know what it feels like to be fucked? I'm not a Virgin but I feel like one lol and I like that? Soon I will be locked in chastity! And won't be able to cum or be fucked and that makes me very horny, i feel Like It would be really sexy to numb my clit forever..always focusing on my master pleasure not my own..to me I like that! I actually fantasize a lot about my master locking me in chastity and only unlocking me to numb his(not my) puussy and tell me I have 5 minutes to cum while being numb! Maybe ill fun even though I'm numb! But I won't feel it! Then locked away again! Ahh time to go play to my fantasy :) I plan on cumming everyday who knows when my last
Cum will be!

Compatible

Someone said me and master are compatible as a couple
I've never really thought about this
I know as a bdsm relationship our likes and dislikes similar thankfully !~
But strictly as a couple the dynamic is weird lol
I'm very cute, giggly bubbly, nonsensical!~ and very extreme !
If I'm worried ill bite all my nails
If I'm sad ill cry and do nothingness
Master is very serious about everything
He has little tendency to wake up too late
but the best master ! I don't really see him too much boyfriend he's like my best friend my master my oppa...
In a way I think I remind master to breathe relax and love life
Especially loving through me!
Love life have your cock sucked at all times!
I think i soften his serious exteriors
:$
Master balances me out...
Master
Oppa
My everything

Cums

I am working out everyday, I feel more and more like a fuckmeat everyday!
I work hard to obey my master and do my best :) but Something is missing..
For a while I was like mm maybe I'm eating too much, maybe i'm not exercising enough..maybe blah blah but I get it
I can't be a fuckmeat untill I appreciate and understand my body!
Which is just going to take me honestly loosing my sense of shame and just going out and buying a vibe, and playing with myself!
To the point here I'm addicted to cumming, I crave it..It's my release, my escape it becomes me?
Just like working out..I love to workout it's my release, I can escape and it's just something I automatically do..and when I don't do it I feel ODD..
That same sense of need is what I need to use in my approach to cumming, because this is a part of my body I want to give to my master!
If It's not something that I love something that I crave...then 1 year or 2 years without cumming will be hard but it won't quite be unbearable..it won't feel like he really really really owns me because I don't have that deep attachment that other girls have to cumming..
I'm going to buy the vibrator tomorrow and hopefully it will come quickly!
I'm even going to plan out when I can use my vibe ;) how many times a day
I hope to slowly increase my cums as I get more addicted!
I also would like to get a nipple milker!
Or nipple sucker, so I use that part of my body..

Up/downs

I'm working out 2 hours a day now, thats 2 hours of cardio.
It's tiring, exhusting and I burn 800-900+ calories a day!
I'm also eating a vegan lifestyle, and havent ate meat in a bit!~
I've had vegitarian meat loaf (AMAZING)
many types of vegtables soups (Amazingzz)
Even a vegan patty!~
But mostly lots of salads, I have not ate pasta, macaroni, breads, pizza, burgers, fries ETC.
And I expect to see results that show my new healthy lifestyle..Ive lost 10lbs but I can't eat meat till I lose 10 more..
It feels like forever..I've given up on the idea that I'll be able to eat meat on monday, I think it wont be untill maybe next week..so 2 more weeks like this.so It will be about 1 month of no meat options..
I feel like I'm lacking emotional support from maser, he is eager for entertainment..but I keep feeling like I need emotional support even with college and craziness..I kinda feel like i'm going through it alone..like hes not a apart of my life
so I do call him more often to sorta feel that connection, but I don't really feel anything..to me it's ust like i'm an obsticle.....when i tell him about my day he responds  very minimally because hes stressed even on days when no apps are due I just wish I could feel the same emotional support as I used to feel..and I think not having that emotional support is tearing me up inside..
I just feel alone, just feels a pit pointless deep inside, a bit endless...
like I keep telling myself tomorrow..tomarrow..next week  next week
it's kinda like my diet I'm just waiting for results, and it feels slow..and I wonder if I should quit..and sometimes I have huge bursts of YEAHH I CAN DO THIS!
the same is how I feel with my current relationship with my master, I love him!
But hes soo busy, I feel so much alone so less connected to him and I tell myself YEAHH I can do this!! Keep working Master is just XYZ and just has to do XYZ
but then theirs also those times when I Just want to quit cry and froget about everything...

New Kittyz

I'm trying my best to be a good fuckmeat, so far I am fulfilling everything master wishes of me and soon i will wear a dog chain necklace around my neck that proudly says Kitty :)
It's a new year, and a new me (LOL where have you heard that before?)
I'm trying to embrace myself more as fuckmeat and less as Nicole/Kitty/Katie..
Fuckmeats World is what I should rename my blog to!~
I'm trying to enter a bikini competition for he summer :)
I will defiantly win! and the money i win maybe i can use it to pay for implants?
I'm really short on implant money, so what other way to get implants money then to get money for masters body. It's not my money, but masters money..and it's not my body it's masters body!~
but I still hope to do my best to get implants
My first implant time I hope to get DD, but my ultimate goal is in HHH or larger!~
I just want my body to be something that master is pleased with, even if it means 2hours a gym everyday or extra extra extra large boobies
i'm happy when master is happy

Reflections

Going through my older posts today, just for fun!~
Found some interesting things..So I shall write apon it! (Cronological based on months/year!)
(If  anything is in red that means this is my current comments

Nov 2010

Hot Issue

Do you have a bucket list?
I Have a bucket list things I want to do or want to happen to me before I die.

1.Go skydiving/ Rather get implants
2.Have a boy sing a romantic song to me *sighs* CHECK!
3.work for a year or two in the hospital in Africa helping people with obstetric fistula/ Obsteric Fistula Is very VERY important to me, but I feel there is more urgency for women education
4.get married
5.travel the world
6.ride a mechanical bull   Ew..
7.graduate high school
8.do medical research/ I have little to no interest in research 
9.make the BEST chow mein ever
10.go to the hello kitty theme Park
11.go to the hello kitty hotel

Omo, I had a long list of do/do nots for proposals lol now I'm just going to be happy that I actually get one LOL

I need a girl
One that speaks without thinking
Not a little child, but one that will embrace me
Not a girl that plays around sometimes when she’s bored
But one that will only love me
A kind of girl that looks better in jeans than a skirt
A girl that will eat the kimchi fried rice that I make instead
A girl who looks young even though she’s old
A girl that acts shy, but knows how to be boldPretty no matter what she does
A pretty body, too

Don't you think he was singing about me :)

My favoriate song at the time, I actually wanted master to sing me this song soo much <3 <3
Now that I am relistening to the song...It's really NOT about me lol
One who looks better in jeans then a skirt? (Psh..I want to look hot in my micro skirt)
I don't wish to speak without thinking lol only foolish things would come out!~
I don't want a pretty body I want a sexy body..



*kisses mirror*
*Hides behind pillow*
*face palm*

Was I this cute?!?!?

10 Minutes

I always talk about fangirling and my new goal to stop but i decided to show you someREPLICATIONS of masters faces that I love <3 this is NOT master but only a REPLICATION

OMO..Am I blind? Master doesn't look anything like these boys..if this is my version of a "replication" omo..

December 2010

Air

Today someone asked me online what is one word that describees me I thought of many words..fun,creative,intresting,cute,difrent,sexy,curious but I chose the word air I actually strive to become a person like air..
..

I wanna be like the air. The good-hearted person whose kindness overflows and people realize how important she was to them, once she is gone.
I wanna be that kind of person.

This is interesting, I think if I was asked today, I would say fuckmeat. bimbo something along those lines..More and more I'm trying to identify as a fuckmeat..it's a nice simple lifestyle.. 


Master said he is looking for a slave with a chritable good heart
But what is "good"? Is good the person who volunteers and donates blood and gives money to charity? I hate using the word good...good is so un definable..

I'm still asking myself, what is "good" I guess some questions never get answered..


Master told me that I might be focousing too much on him and not enough on my life? 

It's funny how he would tell me not to focous on him so much but now he says I don't focous on him enough..Lets rewind to the past?


Ai





"Stop waiting for little boys to verify wether you are the shit or not bitch if you are the shit you are the mother fucking shit"


Sigh, I STILL love this quote filled or curse words and I should follow it more, don't look for verification just believe your the best




Theres soo many posts I could go back and reflect on!~ 
Go back and have a laugh or two!~
Don't mind the bad grammar xP
I have changed a lot..more then I imagined
like really? My goal in life to be a heart surgeon?
Now I'm like ew...I just want to study women studies...Teach English to women and hopefully find a way to impact the world!~

Breaking

Breaking is a subject that my master talks about constantly, he wishes to break me and turn me into nothing but a fuckmeat. Someone to serve him, and think of nothing but only serving him. After reading blogs, and going on fetlife, I read the lives of those who have been "broken" and it is something that I would be interested in doing, but I also wonder in the authenticity of those who post to become broken. Does broken really exist, is it all just a psychological thing, and what potential long term risks does breaking have? All these questions have not been answered, I  speculate that breaking is not true, although I do believe in the existence of a "subspace" a place where your not quite in reality but also not quite dreaming. Peter Pan would say this would be the area where he shall be waiting. If master breaks me I will gladly accept, because I trust him. If he decides to not break me I also happily accept this choice. I have no strong opinions on breaking, nor do I wish to create a strong opinion. I feel having a strong opinion goes against the purpose of being a fuckmeat. Why should I have a opinion on a matter of my body? Is it really my body? My body belongs to master, and because of that I have no say in yes broken or no I do not wish to be broken. Do I even have a sense of wishing if my master owns me? It is my duty to be the bust fuckmeat I can be, and the first step in being the best is giving all my trust to my master. Losing control of my body, and letting him make the decisions in my life, if I shall  become broken or if not this is not something for me to decide, nor will I attempt to form an opinion on what I feel is the best decision for my master to do with his property.