Last Post

I really have grown attached to blogging
I have been blogging for about a year?
^__^ sometimes I really like posting
I really enjoyed being with my master
He really is great
I was really fooled though I thought our relationship was based on truths
but, I found out it's based on a lie
just a game..I wish It wasn't like this, I wish it was real..
but, this is my last post.
I broke up with my Master today.
I don't want to be with someone who doesn't care about my feelings.
I don't wantt to be with someone who is so one-sided.
Even Though I am leaving, my heart doesn't want to go.
I keep hoping he will come on gtalk
hoping he will be on fb chat
hoping we can chat!
But, the truth is..I already blocked him on all social media.
He won't be coming to chat, he won't be recieving a goodmorning from me..
because the truth is..it wasn't real
We werent real..
I thought...he was my Oppa
My Friend...
My Master!
but, it wasn't real..he was just playing around the whole time..
real friends, don't stop caring..
real oppas, are always there for you
real Masters, protect you from everything! even yourself
I'm not sure what hurts more?
looking at this blog and all our memories, and thinking damm..it wasnt real
he was just playing a game just pretending..
or thinking that I won't be with him anymore..who's going to write him plane emails? who's going to be his bimbo? who's going to make him happy?
It hurts...it hurts so fucking bad that I don't know what to do..
I've been fooled, and thrown away like garbage..
I wasn't special, he never cared about my emotions..
I foolishly...graduated early in hopes of seeing him..
foolishly believed him..
and I was hurt last night, hurt beyond belief..
when the world just sucks, I always though he would be there
but he's not.. he wasn't
he wasn't in the mood to play the "game"
so he happily fell asleep not once thinking..am I ok?
not once wondering..how I feel..
not once caring
simply because I told him not to care..
really?
when your sad..do you even know what to say?
I did not want to make his day suck..so I wanted to tell him later..
I called him and he hung up on the first ring..I called maybe 5 times?
I texted him but he never replied..
I blogged and I doubt he even read
I messaged him on gtalk...without any responce..
Finally when I call at 1am he says hes sleeping and doesn't care because I told him not to care.


me: ::

Ignoring Kitty...


Sent at 3:04 AM on Tuesday


Conh: im asleep


me: Ok

You just dodged me all day


Sent at 3:09 AM on Tuesday


Conh: i didn't


me: I called 4 times you hung up on first ring every time I sent many message no reply

I sent 3 texts no reply


Conh: you told me specifically not to care

and I'm not here to play games


me: Ok

Your right


Conh: if you want me to care tell me yes


Conh: don't say no and expect me


me: Oo

I get it

Conh: then don't do it again


I'm not going to play games with him anymore
Since he doesn't care about me anymore
I'm leaving
I'm going to be happy with someone else
I'm going to make someoneeleses dreams come true
I'm not going to be a "game" anymore
I'm not going to be just garbage anymore..
I'm going to be someone he only uses..
not once have I ever NOT wrote a plane email.
NOT once have I ever said no to entertainment emails
NOT once have I ever said NO to something he wanted..
is it even fair to treat me like this?
I'm going to be the BEST.
I'm not a game you can play when you feel
I'm not garbage you can just throw away like nothing.
I'm going to be the best doctor, the best slave, the best...
I won't let anyone treat me like a game anymore.
I won't be someone's garbage anymore.
I'm happy for all the support this blog has given me :)
Fighting ^_^

I am so sad today
I'm always hurt
Master stopped caring because I said so
I shouldn't be sad anymore
I will smile and be happy
I.cut so many times
tomorrow its official
I'm sad that its like this
I just need to take care of myself
I'm always being neglected and abused
I just want to go
I'm going back into my depression cycles
I can tell
master is a part of the cycle
I want and fail at everything
I can't match up
Its time to quit
who wants a Kitty who can't feel?

^_^ yayy photos

I am becoming more independent and strong!
My master said, that it is called a lion!
I am strong, independent and bold!
I was given a choice on friday, be meak and hide in the corner or be strong and fight for my rights!
I chose to be strong, while my other friend in the same situation was meakly and weak. I felt sad, I wished she would have stood up for her rights also!
I am becoming strong, that makes me happy.
I feel like, as a person overall I am growing.
I am perservering, working harder and above all learning how to love?
I am so afraid of love!
I know..it wouldn't seem like that?
But, I keep doubting myself..
why would he love a girl like me?
why would he want a fat girl?
a girl who can't write?
a gril who read 10 grammar books?
a girl who isn't his style?
why would he want ME?!?!?!?!
I doubt it so much that inside it destroys me!
I'm used to being with a guy that loves me
but I have never been in a relationship where the love is so special..
I feel bad..
I wish that he didn't fall in love with ME..
I wished he loved someone beautiful
someone skinny
somone with long hair
someone with beautifull eyes, and clear skin
someone that he deserves to be with..
I think I am below his range..
I rate master as a 9 (with long hair) but 8.5 (with short hair)
but, I am only a 4 meh..too below him..
I don't know why he loves me?
but I guess all I can say is thank you?
here is some girls I feel suits him